Author: dubaiescorts

I want everyone to bring out the secret instinct in one self and make it evident to the world.

Is interracial sex better than sex with someone within your own race?

interracial sex

The other day, I google searched interracial sex… all I got was a massive array of porn sites (what was I expecting anyway?). Well, I was hoping to get some insights on the above topic.

Have you ever had sex with someone outside your race? Would you be interested in having sex with someone of another race? Is interracial sex a taboo to you? This is a very controversial topic. “Why the hell would someone prefer to have interracial sex?᾿ most people may ask.

The truth of the matter is that the US is a culture obsessed with interracial dating and interracial sex, in particular, – both positively and negatively. Going by the history of the slave era white people spoke with repulsion about interracial sex – even though many white men were constantly having sex with black women. In this “colorblind era᾿, people are still obsessed with interracial sex.

According to a poll done on the blog, majority (67%) of the people that participated in the poll said interracial sex is better than sex with someone within their own race and 15% said it wasn’t better. The rest either never had interracial sex or same race sex.

Adult sex dating among interracial singles is much in practice especially among liberal communities and long-term relationships or matrimony is quiet popular. With the internet being a general platform that brings all types of people, cultures and societies together, we need not emphasize the kind of catalyst it is for those interested in interracial dating and sex… it is a well-known fact.

Most people may decide to try out interracial sex just for the kick of it or out of curiosity. This has brought about statements like “once you go black you never go back᾿ among many others. Given the sexualization and stereotypes surrounding interracial sex, we find most people… especially in their teenage and college life engaging in interracial sex just to prove and disprove such statements.

Most people may not publicly say “interracial sex is: bizarre, disgusting, exciting, adventurous, morally repugnant,᾿ and so on. But when people get behind closed doors with their family and friends comments like “That black dude must have really been packing some heat below the belt. Why else would those white women be interested in black men᾿ or “Only white women with no self esteem will get with a guy like that.᾿ When they go online to search for interracial porn, they are thinking it… and don’t get me started people expressing their thoughts with by leaving anonymous comments on blogs.

So what is wrong with enjoying sex with a person of other race?

For some reason, people think interracial sex is exotic and daring… especially when it involves Black men and white women and Asian women and white men. It’s almost like people believe that race is correlated with penis size and a person’s level of sexual desire. But are people who engage in interracial sex are deviant, rebellious, daring, gross, odd, oversexed, and ugly as most people believe?

If you’ve had interracial sex already, how good or bad were the encounters? Is it possible that they had everything to do with the guys’ or ladies’ performances, and not the person’s races?

Kegel exercises – self-care

kegel-exercises

Kegel exercises can help make the muscles under the uterus, bladder, and bowel (large intestine) stronger. They can help both men and women who have problems with urine leakage or bowel control. You may have these problems:

As you get older
If you gain weight
After pregnancy and childbirth
After gynecologic surgery (women)
After prostate surgery (men)
People who have brain and nerve disorders may also have problems with urine leakage or bowel control.

Kegel exercises can be done any time you are sitting or lying down. You can do them when you are eating, sitting at your desk, driving, and when you are resting or watching television.

How to Find the Right Muscles
A Kegel exercise is like pretending you have to urinate and then holding it. You relax and tighten the muscles that control urine flow. It is important to find the right muscles to tighten.

Next time you have to urinate, start to go and then stop. Feel the muscles in your vagina (for women), bladder, or anus get tight and move up. These are the pelvic floor muscles. If you feel them tighten, you have done the exercise right. Your thighs, buttock muscles, and abdomen should remain relaxed.

If you still are not sure you are tightening the right muscles:

Imagine that you are trying to keep yourself from passing gas.
Women: Insert a finger into your vagina. Tighten the muscles as if you are holding in your urine, then let go. You should feel the muscles tighten and move up and down.
Men: Insert a finger into your rectum. Tighten the muscles as if you are holding in your urine, then let go. You should feel the muscles tighten and move up and down.
How to do Kegel Exercises
Once you know what the movement feels like, do Kegel exercises 3 times a day:

Make sure your bladder is empty, then sit or lie down.
Tighten your pelvic floor muscles. Hold tight and count to 8.
Relax the muscles and count to 10.
Repeat 10 times, 3 times a day (morning, afternoon, and night).
Breathe deeply and relax your body when you are doing these exercises. Make sure you are not tightening your stomach, thigh, buttock, or chest muscles.

After 4 to 6 weeks, you should feel better and have fewer symptoms. Keep doing the exercises, but do not increase how many you do. Overdoing it can lead to straining when you urinate or move your bowels.

Some notes of caution:

Once you learn how to do them, do not practice Kegel exercises at the same time you are urinating more than twice a month. Doing the exercises while you are urinating can weaken your pelvic floor muscles over time or cause damage to bladder and kidneys.
In women, doing Kegel exercises incorrectly or with too much force may cause vaginal muscles to tighten too much. This can cause pain during sexual intercourse.
Incontinence will return if you stop doing these exercises. Once you start doing them, you may need to do them for the rest of your life.
It may take several months for your incontinence to lessen once you start doing these exercises.
When to Call the Doctor
Call your health care provider if you are not sure you are doing Kegel exercises the right way. Your provider can check to see if you are doing them correctly.You may be referred to a physical therapist who specializes in pelvic floor exercises.

Alternative Names
Pelvic muscle strengthening exercises; Pelvic floor exercises

Is “Swallowing” Bad For Your Health?

Every Friday, I answer people’s questions about sex, love, and relationships. This week’s question comes from a reader who wanted to know the following:

“Is the ingestion of a man’s ejaculate harmful?”

Good question! There are a lot of misconceptions out there about semen and its effects on health, so let’s take a few moments to separate fact from fiction.

First, if you perform oral sex on a man who has an STI (e.g., chlamydia, gonorrhea, HIV), you run the risk of contracting his infection. And it doesn’t really matter whether you swallow his semen or spit it out—the risk comes from having ejaculate in your mouth. So, if you know your partner has an infection or you aren’t sure of his status, it would be advisable to use a condom to prevent contact with his semen, thereby lowering your own infection risk.

Assuming he is uninfected, there are very few risks associated with having his ejaculate in your mouth or swallowing it. For starters, it’s not going to make you fat. I’ve had some people ask whether semen is loaded with calories, and the answer is no. In fact, most estimates I’ve seen put the number of calories in a “serving” of semen somewhere between 1 and 5.

Also, women don’t need to worry about pregnancy from swallowing semen because sperm deposited in your digestive tract won’t be able to make it into your reproductive tract…unless you get stabbed in the stomach after performing oral sex (which is pretty unlikely). I don’t want to turn this into a sideshow, but I did read one case a few years ago of an African girl who was performing oral sex on her boyfriend when her ex walked in on them [1]. Apparently a knife fight ensued and she was stabbed in the stomach. Soon after, she discovered that she was pregnant. After visiting a doctor, the mode of conception was attributed to her stabbing. Of course, you’re probably wondering, “But isn’t this pregnancy more likely the result of vaginal intercourse?” It turns out that wouldn’t be possible in this case because this girl did not have a vagina. She had a genetic condition (Mullerian agenesis) that prevented its development, leaving just a small dimple in the spot where the vagina normally appears. In light of this, the post-oral sex stomach wound seemed to provide the most plausible means of sperm reaching her reproductive tract. I know this story seems hard to believe, and I have my doubts about a pregnancy happening this way, but it was published as a case report in a medical journal.

Aside from potential STI transmission and random stomach stabbings, the only other risk I’m aware of with regard to swallowing ejaculate would be if the receptive partner has a semen allergy. For more on semen allergies.

Related to this, I have also heard of some cases of “semen ingested induced diarrhea,” in which swallowing semen leads to some serious gastrointestinal distress (perhaps as a result of a fructose intolerance, given that fructose is one of the primary components of semen); however, this is thought to be quite rare.

Are there any benefits of swallowing semen? Believe it or not, I read one study a few years back that found a correlation between swallowing semen and risk of preeclampsia (in case you’re unfamiliar, preeclampsia is a condition that tends to occur late in a pregnancy in which a women develops very high blood pressure—if left untreated, this is potentially fatal to both the mother and the fetus). What the researchers found was that women who swallowed more semen through oral sex tended to have a lower risk of developing preeclampsia. Why? The basic idea is that a fetus is exposing its mother to foreign antigens because half of its genetic material is provided by the father. To the extent that a woman is exposed to more of these antigens prior to pregnancy, she may develop a tolerance to them, thereby reducing her risk of having an immune reaction in response to the fetus.

That said, research on the potential benefits of swallowing semen isn’t conclusive enough to say that everyone should be doing it; however, it is pretty clear that as long as the male partner is uninfected and the receptive partner is not allergic to his semen, it is unlikely that swallowing semen will have any negative effects on one’s health.

How to Play With Breasts

Breasts can be pleasurable to play with, for both the giver and the recipient alike. Some women can even have orgasms from breast play alone. Others need breast play in combination with clitoral or vaginal stimulation.

Here’s your field guide to the breast.

Not Everyone Loves Breast Play
Like any other sexual act, consent is important when it comes to breast play. Keep in mind that some people may not want you to play with their breasts. For some people, it’s a matter of personal preference; for others, it’s a gender identity issue. Trans and genderqueer folks may not want their breasts touched.

You can directly ask your partner what they feel comfortable with, or you can try slowly tracing your hand across their shoulders and collarbone area. If they tense up or move your hand away, move on to other parts of the body.

Be Sensitive to Timing
Be aware that breast sensitivity changes throughout the month. There will probably be certain points in her cycle where she’s much more sensitive than usual. There may even be times when she’s too sensitive for any sort of breast play. Don’t be surprised if she needs different things from you.

Breasts also change a lot after a woman has given birth and while she’s breastfeeding. She may not want any breast contact for a while, or she may need you to be much more gentle than usual.

No Honking, Please
We’re all unique when it comes to how we like our bodies to be touched, but there are few sexual acts more universally despised than the breast honk. I have never met a woman who enjoyed having her breasts squeezed this way (especially not as sexual initiation). Please don’t treat your partner’s breasts like old-fashioned horns.

The same goes with kneading. It just doesn’t feel good for most women. Remember Jon Hamm’s breast play move on Kristen Wiig in Bridesmaids? If you haven’t seen it, it’s the perfect example of lackluster kneading. Don’t pull that move.

In general, breast sensitivity comes from the skin, not from the fat of the breast itself. So honking, kneading, and squeezing don’t typically feel as great as stroking and kissing. These moves also neglect the nipple, which tends to be the most sensitive part of the breast (more on this later).

Work with Clothing
You don’t need to be in a rush to unclothe your partner’s breasts. Breast play can feel pleasurable even through clothing, and it can also be a nice way to tease her. Rub her breasts over her shirt. To evoke a sense of teenage nostalgia, put your hands up her shirt and play with her breasts over her bra. Once you get her shirt off, touch the parts of her breasts that the bra doesn’t cover, gliding your fingertips along the top edge of her bra.

Take Your Time
Even once you’ve gotten her clothes off, you can still take your time teasing her. Spend some time tracing her collarbone with your finger, then kissing along it. Touch and kiss along the sides of the breasts, without going straight for the nipple right away.

Pay Attention to the Underboob and Sideboob
Most people tend to squeeze the entire boob, or focus on just the nipple. That’s a shame, because the underboob and sideboob can both be exquisitely sensitive. The areas I’m talking about are where her breast meets her ribcage. As the names imply, the underboob is the lower part of the breast, and the side boob is the outer edge (the side near her armpit).

This area tends to respond best to delicate touch. Very gently trace a fingertip along this sensitive curve. Start at the outer edge and slowly work your way around to the middle of her chest. You can also do this with your tongue, or with light kisses.

Nipples are Unique
Nipples are sort of like clitorises: some women can hardly stand direct contact, while other women need very firm pressure. As with the clitoris, it’s best to err on the side of being too gentle, then work your way up to more pressure. Start off by lightly stroking her nipple and circling the areola (the flat section around the pointy nipple). If your partner pushes her body towards you or makes a lot of noise, try gradually increasing pressure. Or just ask her, “Do you want more?”

If she wants more intensity, try gently pinching her nipples between your thumb and forefinger. Slowly increase the pressure, and ask her to tell you when it’s too much. Or you can try pulling on her nipples. Cup her breast in your hand, and pull on her nipple with your thumb and forefinger, pulling the breast further away from her ribcage. You can also gently twist her nipples, but be careful with this move, as it’s pretty intense.

Get Your Mouth Involved
Get your lips, tongue, and teeth involved as well as your hands. You can lick, suck, and nibble on her breasts. Try licking the curve from sideboob to underboob, or sucking or nibbling on her nipples. You can also get some temperature play involved, by licking her breast then lightly blowing onto the area.

If she likes a lot of pressure, try sucking and biting on her nipples. Again, start off gentle, and gradually increase the pressure until you find what she likes.

Bring in the Toys
You can use vibrators or feather ticklers to create new sensations on her breasts. Even running a silk tie or scarf over her breasts can feel great. If she likes more intense nipple play, you can buy nipple clamps or suckers. You can also try blindfolding her, and touching her breasts with different toys or materials. Not knowing what’s coming can be a wildly intense experience. Or try using use lube or massage oil to help your hands really slide around on her breasts.

Ask Her to Touch Them
Another way you can learn what she likes is to ask her to touch her own breasts. This can be especially hot while you’re in the middle of another activity, like intercourse or fingering her. Watch the specific ways she touches herself, and try to get a sense of how much pressure she uses.

Do Bollywood actress work as escorts secretly?

shweta basu celebrity escort

There are numerous on-screen characters which escort covertly. Reason – basic. It’s brisk cash, pain free income, parcel’s of cash and a great deal of joy. Who might not need it !

Next point is you will dependably get scholarly people (read failures) who will say ‘Why you are troubled, you should mind ur claim business and not meddle in close to home life, regard ladies and yakkity yak… . Straightforward point is demonstrate some huge cash to someone (even a relative of uhm..uhm..) and clever part is they will come running without telling uhm..uhm… Sorry truth is unpleasant. Everyone has a sticker price. It’s only one needs to discover and arrange it.

Bollywood A class performing artist don’t escort. B class or supporting performer don’t escort either. In the event that a realized performing artist would it, just a bunch very rich people could manage the cost of them. A few years prior, Deepika Padukone turned down an offer of 3.5 crores rupees for 3.5 minutes execution of Dum maro dum in a private gathering.

Simply envision the amount it would cost every hour if those stars would escort. Bollywood performing artists have sexual wants like us. They lay down with men whom they pick. Katrine Kaif was laying down with Ranbir Kapoor, Anushka Sharma with Virat before their marriage. Those were not for cash. On the off chance that it was for cash, even rich sportsman like Virat Kohli couldn’t manage the cost of her.

I read numerous tattles about the sexual existence of Bollywood stars. I would prefer not to censure on-screen characters for something with no proof or considerable verification.

Some fizzled and matured performing artists have been caught in the act for illicit prostitution. The majority of them are from the territorial film industry. Here are a few precedents:

The well known kid on-screen character of Bollywood, Shweta Prasad Basu turned into a whore for the living. She was captured in Hyderabad for her supposed association in prostitution.

The ‘Kamasutra’ performing artist Sherlyn Chopra conceded self that she made cash by escorting.

The ‘Existence Ki To Lag Gayi’ performer, Mishto Mukherjee was running an escort club and she was making a pornography video. The police captured her and found a ton of money and sex recordings in her home.

The Telugu film on-screen character Saira Banu turned into a fulltime escort. She was captured, as well.

There are bits of gossip about Rakhi Sawant, Yami Gupta, Malaika Arora, Nargis Fakhri, and Mallika Sherawat that they were associated with the escort work. I have a few questions about Rakhi Sawant and Mallika Sherawat yet not about others.

The American government police uncovered an escort racket yet by a Telugu couple ( Kishan Modugumudi and his significant other, Chandra) They snuck some performing artist in the USA for an escort. The episode was secured by CNN and BBC.

Step by step instructions to FILM YOUR OWN SEX TAPE

FILM YOUR OWN SEX TAPE

The specialists at Make Love Not Porn guarantee it’ll prompt better, more sweltering sex. So we approached them for tips.

On the off chance that you’ve found out about sex tapes as of late, odds are the words “sex tape” were combined with “spilled” and “VIP.” We get it: Between those consistent embarrassments and a not exactly sealed shut comprehension of how the cloud functions, recording yourself having intercourse sounds like an awful thought, best case scenario and a real existence ruiner even under the least favorable conditions.

The people at Make Love Not Porn are endeavoring to change that discernment. Established by Cindy Gallop in 2012, the site enables you to share and watch #realworldsex — that is, personal sex tapes presented by individuals who aren’t pornography performing artists. Charging itself as “professional sex, genius pornography, and master knowing the distinction,” MLNP is a progressive network endeavoring to advance better sex for everybody. Also, first off, they guarantee that recording yourself engaging in sexual relations prompts an a lot more blazing sexual coexistence.

So who better to give us a few hints for taping an incredible sex tape than Sarah Beall, Madame Curator for MLNP? Beside having the best occupation title we’ve at any point known about, Beall is in charge of verifying each and every #realworldsex video accommodation on MLNP — which implies she’s seen a mess of exposed individuals doing it all over. She can likewise bear witness to how and why shooting yourself can prompt better sex. “It encourages correspondence,” Beall says. “It opens individuals up to discussing their wants and things that possibly they’ve been reasoning about attempting yet perhaps haven’t had the nerve to raise. We’ve had individuals who have gone and shot a video, watched it back and after that shot another immediately, on the grounds that they got so turned on.”

In case you’re okay try it an attempt, we’ve taken advantage of her insight and that of some MLNP stars, to make you go.

  1. Speak with your accomplice already, and don’t film anything without assent. This shouldn’t should be said yet: don’t film yourself engaging in sexual relations with somebody on the off chance that they don’t think about it. It’s truly messed up and exceptionally unlawful. On the off chance that you and your accomplice have talked it through, and you’re both amusement, at that point choose what you’ll do subsequent to shooting. Is it accurate to say that you are going to watch the tape once then erase it, transfer it to MLNP, or welcome every one of your companions over for wine and cheddar and a screening? (On the off chance that it’s the last mentioned, your companions sound fun.) Make beyond any doubt you’ve talked this all through heretofore — and if both of you need to erase it whenever, it’s done, no inquiries inquired.
  2. Morning sex or evening delight are ideal. “Nothing beats characteristic light,” say prepared MLNP stars LoveandLasagna. “Furthermore, endeavor to abstain from chronicle towards the wellspring of lightning.”
  3. Ensure the camera’s on. “My camera likes to turn itself off if no one is playing with it…I missed various climaxes and cool shots hence!” mourns MLNP star Corkle. Try not to give this a chance to transpire.
  4. Get prepared. It’s a bit much, however in case you’re a gearhead and need to take your tape to the following dimension, Beall prescribes an extra large GorrillaPod, an all inclusive glif, a pocket spotlight, a portable blast mic, and a focal point cut for wide-edge shots.
  5. Film around your sexual coexistence. Would you be able to think about a more awful buzzkill than being half-bare with your face planted in the middle of your accomplice’s legs, at that point all of a sudden hopping up to get the tripod set up? “Sex in reality leaves a certifiable setting, so we request that individuals shoot a tad prior and then afterward,” says Beall. Having the camera running before you begin to get it on to enable you to unwind and get settled. “When you’re turning a camera on, it shouldn’t generally be not the same as what you do in your regular day to day existences,” she includes.
  6. Don’t simply go for close-up genital shots. While that is just fine in pornography, Beall prescribes straying far from pornography tropes like that in your own sex tape. “Force the camera back and speak to the entire involvement in the majority of its marvelous, genuine brilliance,” she says. It’s additionally not unreasonably simple to catch that P-in-V business when you’re DIYing it.
  7. It’s simply sex — so unwind and have a decent time. “At first you’ll think the camera anticipates something of you, yet you’ll get over that as you’re dissolving everywhere on one another,” state MLNP stars Colin/Gray. Bodies are simply bodies, man. LoveandLasagna include, “Simply keep judgment and dread out of your head, having intercourse is excellent. Have a fabulous time and given the imagination a chance to stream.”

Top 10 Cold Weather Sex Positions

Cold Weather Sex

WINTER SEX POSITIONS
Leave your fleecy pyjamas and set the hot tea aside for a wild night of passion. Brave the cold this winter with these scorching 10 winter sex positions, guaranteed to raise you and your partner’s temperature and hit that elusive g spot.

  1. Tempting Butterfly
    Give missionary a revamp. Lie back on a bed or table, while your partner steps in between your feet and raises your hips with their hands before entering you. For added comfort and depth, add pillows underneath your lower back for a thrilling sensation. This position has the perfect blend of deep penetration and cosiness to help turn up the heat between you and your partner.
  2. Freezing Mountain
    Looking for something less strenuous? This position is perfect for you. Build your mountain with a stack of pillows and lean forward over it. Your partner will kneel behind you with their legs on the outside of yours as they penetrate you from behind. Feel the ultimate sensation with Durex’s Play Feel lube and experience an intense sensual experience.
  3. Lusty Fan
    For the adventurous couple, let this position spice up your lives in more ways than one. Stand in front of your partner and lean over and rest your arms on the edge of a chair or bed. Bend your knees as your partner enters you from behind and use the support of the chair or bed to hold you up. Increase the level of your pleasure, by using a vibrator for added stimulation to your clitoris.
  4. Wintry Slide
    Want to increase your level of intimacy? This position is great for bringing you the ultimate closeness. Your partner should lay back, while you lay on top of them with your legs together. While they penetrate you, begin to rub up and down their body. Not only is this position pretty easy to master, but you’ll be surprised at how much tighter you’ll feel.
  5. Splitting Bamboo
    You and your partner should both lie in a missionary position, however your partner’s thighs should be straddled over yours. While they enter you, your partner will elevate one of your legs onto their shoulders as they thrust deeper. Your hands should be free to touch and tease them as you please. For more pleasure, add a penis ring and experience sensations that are sure to spark more fun and excitement to your evening.
  6. The Peg
    Have your partner lay on their side, while you lay next to them with your legs facing their head. Now bend your legs at the knees and sandwich their legs. As your partner penetrates you using their elbows to support their body, enjoy the opportunity to further increase your pleasure by caressing your breasts and lower back with your partners hands.
  7. The Steamy Pinball
    Get into a partial bridge position with your weight resting on your shoulders. Have your partner stand in front of you and enter you from the kneeling position. This position allows your partner easy access to stimulate your clitoris while massaging your inner thighs. For added bonus, throw one leg up against his shoulder for deeper penetration and enjoy the unlimited sensations.
  8. Cosy Room
    Your partner should be sat at the edge of the bed or on a sturdy chair with their legs spread slightly apart. You should sit on top of them facing away with your legs closely together. Let your partner use their arms to help regulate the pace and intensity of their thrusts as you achieve a more intense orgasm.
  9. The Balancing Act
    Unleash your passion and ignite the sparks. Have your partner lay on their back with their legs spread apart. Sit between their thighs as they grip your hips to guide you onto them. In this position, your partner sets the rhythm as your hands are free to roam over your breasts or their chest for the ultimate sensation.
  10. Frosty Seashell
    Lay back with your legs raised straight in the air and lift your legs towards your head. Have your partner enter you from the missionary position, as you hold onto their back for support. To stimulate your clitoris, have your partner ‘ride high’ by rubbing their pubic bone against yours. For direct stimulation to your G-spot, let them rub their pubic bone lower down for a pleasurable feeling.

Armed with these creative sex positions, you and your partner can be sure of an exciting night under the covers and in the colder weather, there’ll be plenty to keep you warm too.

So You Want to Perform in Porn

Perform in Porn

If you read that and thought, ‘Why yes, I do want to perform in porn,’ this is for you. If not, please feel free to read along for potential entertainment value. Or put the computer down, and go do whatever it is that people do on Fridays.

For those of you still interested, the first step to performing is deciding what kind of porn you want to do. See, porn isn’t just people with big boobs and giant schlongs in silly setups involving offices and pizza deliverymen. It also isn’t just people who are accepting of all body types/sexual orientations and strive to be as ethical as possible. Nor is it all high-gloss features, intense BDSM scenes, or content made by supposed amateurs. Before I started working in hardcore porn, I thought it was all like John Stagliano’s The Fashionistas. Stagliano shoots a very different sort of product than Digital Playground does, and while my decision to sign with DP worked out very well for me, I did spend the first few movies confused by the differences. If there is an idea in your head of the kind of porn you want to do, examine it and figure out specifically what excites or inspires you. Use it to get a more clear idea of your motivations and the level of involvement you want to have in the adult industry.

Once you’ve narrowed down what kind of scenes you want to do and what kind of performer you want to be, I recommend taking a minute to rethink the decision of actually doing it. Especially if you’re just looking to live out one specific fantasy, make quick cash, or have a few months of adventure, consider whether the porn industry is the right choice for you. Unless the whole of civilization as we know it is destroyed, any nude or sexually explicit images will remain available on the internet in some way forever. Decide whether the chance to have sex with that one particular performer or have that professionally videotaped gang bang is worth the potential that every single person you know now or ever will know in the future will see it. Your parents will find out. Your employers will find out. Your friends, acquaintances, and the people you have romantic relationships with will find out. I call this Murphy’s Law of Scandalous Behavior. If you are unable to come to terms with this, you should probably refrain from engaging in sexual activities in public or on camera… including sending racy cell phone pictures (even via Snapchat.)

If your goal is a full-on career that you envision as peaking with success on the level of Jesse Jane, Ron Jeremy, or Jenna Jameson, get ready for a reality check. Very few performers achieve that level of name recognition or long-term financial viability. Stardom is not guaranteed, even for performers who check all of the most widely marketable boxes. Hundreds of thousands of dollars will not rain down from the sky just because you show up in Southern California with a willingness to take your clothes off. Unproven rumors of a Teen Mom’s paycheck aside, no performer gets paid six figures for a movie.

Remember that short of holding a gun to your head, nobody can force you to engage in a sex act that you do not want to perform, or with partners you do not want to perform those acts with. I would recommend avoiding people who threaten others with guns. The decisions about what sort of work you accept bookings for are yours and yours alone, regardless of what pressures agents, producers, or directors may try to use on you. If you only want to work with ten people or even one person, you have the right to set that boundary. You can set your rates at whatever amount you deem appropriate. You can perform exclusively in romantic girl-girl scenes (as long as you have the necessary genitals for that genre) and you can also refuse all scenes involving fewer than six penises. It is up to you to decide what you are comfortable with and how far out of your comfort zone you are willing to go in order to get more work. For the most part directors and producers want performers to be happy about the sex acts they are performing and the people they are working with. This usually has less to do with morals and more to do with the way that genuine enjoyment of a scene is believed to result in a better and therefore more profitable product.

That said, the higher your rates and the more boundaries you have, the less frequently you will work. Consider keeping your day job for a while. Put your checks in the bank instead of up your nose or in your closet. With a few months’ worth of living expenses in savings or a secondary income, you will be less likely to be tempted into doing something that you may later regret purely for the money. Make sure you have up-to-date vaccinations for hepatitis and HPV. You should probably get a tetanus booster while you’re at the doctor’s office too. The adult industry does manage the risk of STI transmission through testing, barriers, or a combination of both, but there is still a risk. There is no such thing as completely safe sex. This risk is another thing you should come to terms with before entering the adult industry as a performer.

Even if porn is just an adventure for you, remember that it is a job. You will frequently be expected to show up on set appropriately groomed and showered before 9 AM with a valid STI test and at least one form of ID. A big-budget-feature shoot can last for multiple weeks, with three or four 24-hour days in a row. However little sleep you’re able to get on one of these projects, the crew will usually have had far less. Being late or not showing up keeps everyone on set longer than necessary and can cost the company you’re working for money in overtime for the crew and location.

Many scenes being shot now involve some kind of dialogue to set up why the sex is happening. You will need to be able to memorize and deliver at least a couple of lines of this dialogue, preferably in a somewhat convincing manner. You will probably need to learn how to walk into a shot and onto the bright green (or orange or pink or sometimes nonbright black) piece of tape that marks where you’re supposed to end up without obviously looking at the floor. You may need to have sex for extended periods in positions or on surfaces that are uncomfortable, occasionally while wearing special-effects makeup, body paint, a wig, or a silly hat on your head. For female performers, the ability to confidently run over gravel in ill-fitting platform heels somehow turns into a job skill, as does pretending you aren’t freezing in skimpy outfits or sweltering in five layers of wardrobe. If something goes awry with lights, the camera, or one of the performers a scene may take far longer to shoot than the runtime of the finished product. The same sex scene may be repeated for a still camera, softcore footage, or both.

Still want to do porn now that you know we aren’t all millionaires and it takes actual work? I completely understand that. I find the physically demanding and constantly changing nature of the job extremely fun.

Most recognizable performers have done at least one interview where they’ve explained how they got into the porn industry or got their first booking, and many post the contact information for their agent in their Twitter bio. There are a handful of licensed adult agencies and most of them are listed on the LATATA website. The individual agency websites usually have a contact page for potential new talent. Additionally, companies like Burning Angel, Kink, and Pink & White (the makers of Crash Pad) have application pages for people specifically interested in performing for their sites. Some of the homosexual male-oriented companies like Titan Men and Channel 1 Releasing have these pages as well.

If you’re reading this, I feel like it’s safe to assume you have internet access. Use it to do some research. If you can’t figure out the basics from here, you’ll probably be the annoying one who can’t show up on time with the proper documentation, is incapable of remembering lines, and somehow manages to lose half of their wardrobe during lunch break. Personally, I have no interest in metaphorically holding the hand of someone who is likely to make everyone else’s job harder than it needs to be. Unless that person is Scarlett Johansson. I would put up with just about any amount of bullshit from Scarlett Johansson. So: take everything you’ve learned, evaluate it, and then go and have fun. Or don’t have fun. I’m sure there’s at least a small market for that as well.

What Life is Like as a High Priced Escort

life of an escort

How much money did you make?

This changes day to day, the most I’ve made over a weekend was close to AU$10,000. There was not much sex involved, it was more company and his own self exploration.

What did you use your cash for?

I have three properties. After normal bills, it normally goes towards travelling and paying off my properties or helping my family. I don’t party. I don’t drink. I don’t go clubbing.

What was your education level?

Some university. I was studying psychology as I am one of thoses ‘natural psychologists’ (another story, another time) when I started sex work. I put my studies on hold when I realised I am already practicing psychology at work with better pay and less hours.

Do you consider yourself to be intelligent?

I am a huge nerd. I am intelligent. Mainly with interpersonal areas. My last IQ test was 121. Its not something I place importance generally. A lot of sex workers I know are very smart women studying law, biology, veterinarian degrees as well as some others who are using this work to gain capital to launch their own business or just as sex workers running their business.

Did you have any other options in life?

Yes. This is a first choice. I could continue my study and become a registered psychologist. There are many options in that field. My resume is strong if I wished to apply for a different job.

Why did you choose to be an escort?

I have done it twice. The first time, I needed money and I tried sensual massage and later full service. I left for a while. I came back to sex work as I was studying full time.

What types of clients did you have?

They are the general public and from every walk of life. Look around you where ever you are and you will see them. Some are well known, some you wont notice. They are mainly men. I have seen a few couples as well.

What were the “transactions” like?

I assume you mean the service provided in a booking which has sex. Here is a video from KittyKorner (YouTube) that shows you what happens in an average booking under decriminalisation. I recommend looking at her other videos.

For me personally, sex is not in very booking (client decides). I normally only have sex once, but it’s not a rule, talking afterward while we relax tends to be the greater part of my booking. I also cater for crossdressing, light BDSM, Fantasy and roleplay. These are add on services so there is an extra cost involved.

What did you talk to your clients about?

What they have been up to. What I’ve been up to (if they are regulars), what’s going on in their life, what hurdles, etc. are coming up. Homework if I’ve given it. It really depends. Sometimes we lie there in comfortable silence. I am naturally humorous so I may joke around. Dance, crack jokes. It really depends on what company they need in that moment.

Are your clients rude to you?

When I first started some were but the majority were lovely. The few rude ones disappeared the more confident and self assured I got. Now I rarely get them. I find they are like kids. Pull them into line, they stop and become respectful.

In(formation) email.
The reality of being a woman — by the numbers.

address@email.com
What do you do now?

I do sex work. I have done escorting and brothel work. I much prefer brothel work. You receive less per hour but you are not wasting time getting silly phone calls, dealing with timewasters, having to organise a place and line up bookings. I turn up, relax, the clients come to me, I go home. I have retained one private client.

Was being an escort fulfilling, if so, how?

I am a carer. I see the positive affect I have on my clients. I see them grow and become more confident. I love that I can give them a nonjudgemental space to be themselves and explore that person. I love the sex. I love the freedom and travelling business class or other. I love the travel I am able to do. I love how I can help my family. I love the friendships I’ve formed with girls.

Would you have done it again?

Yes. There are sacrifices as well that comes with this job but I wouldn’t change a thing because if I did, it means I wouldn’t have had all the experiences, I wouldn’t have met all the people who have helped me grow and I would not be here sharing this with others or being able to be a voice for others who don’t have one

What was your childhood like?

My parents divorced when I was 18 mths old. He was abusive. I have no memory of that. We moved around a lot due to him trying to track us down. We had a short period of having literally nothing but we still had a fun childhood. I experienced the violent loss of a close friend at 12. And had a few experiences I choose not to share here but these moments are surrounded by a very loving single parent family and an awesome grandpa. Adventures of camping, being rebellious, living near a beach, annoying my big brother and having crushes on his friends. Normal Stuff.

Please note:Do not think that anything from my childhood “made” me do sex work. It didn’t ‘make’ me do sales, or be a public servant or a store manager or any other job I’ve had: nor did it ‘make’ me choose my current career. I choose my experiences and am no one’s victim. It is a common stereotype that is used to discredit and provide reasons not to listen to sex workers on policies that affect us. Please do not disrespect my choices or break my trust by using my past, against me.

What was your socio economic status?

Growing up, lower class. A single parent family is hard.

Currently, middle/upper middle class. Honestly I don’t know. I don’t put much value on material things. Some may see me as upper class, but I’m more a naturally grounded hippy so I’m not comfortable with status or putting people in boxes.

Could you write a simple biography as a response to the question?

I Am Me.

How To Touch A Woman & Finger Her Vagina, In 8 Beginner Steps

How To Touch A Woman & Finger Her Vagina

We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions remain anonymous. Now, onto today’s topic: how to touch and finger a woman.

Q: I just started dating women, and I’m not super experienced with it. Do you have a general primer on how to give a handjob to a woman? One problem I have is that I’m not totally sure what I like on myself, so I have a hard time knowing what to do to another woman.

A: Thanks for your question! I think a lot of people underestimate how pleasurable handjobs can be, which is a real shame. Before we get into technique, I want to encourage you to do some exploration on your own first. You have a whole world of exploration at your fingertips! Take the time to get to know your body and what it likes. Not sure how? Check out our handy guide to female masturbation.

Now let’s jump right to eight crucial tips for anyone who wants to make a woman come with their hand.

  1. Prepare Your Tools For The Job

It’s really important to have clean, well-groomed hands when you’re touching a woman’s genitals. Keep your fingernails trimmed and filed, to avoid scratching her sensitive skin. Don’t cut your nails right before hooking up; they’ll still be too rough and sharp to touch her. You also want to make sure to wash your hands right before getting down to business, to protect her from getting an infection.

  1. Tease Her
    Spend plenty of time warming up before you move between her legs. Make out with her, kiss her neck, and nibble on her ears. Caress her butt, hips, and thighs. When you start to work your way down, rub her crotch through her pants using your palm, or grind against her with your thigh or pelvis. Even after her pants are off, keep teasing her. Leave her underwear on and trace a fingertip up and down her labia. You want her to be aching for skin-to-skin contact by the time you finally let her have it. For many women, teasing is the best part of the entire experience, so don’t skip over it in your haste to get to her clothes off!
  2. Know What You’re Touching
    Let’s go over a basic anatomy refresher of what your hands are going to come into contact with. You’re going to want to spend most of your attention on these four areas:

Her outer labia are the two lips that are covered in pubic hair. This is the main area you’ll be teasing through her clothes. There aren’t a ton of nerve endings in the outer labia, but you can rub them with your fingertips and even roll the skin between your thumb and forefinger. It’s also hot to pull her labia apart with your hands.
The inner labia are the set of lips that don’t have any pubic hair. The skin here is thinner and wet, so you’ll need to be a little more delicate than you are with the outer labia. Stroke the inner labia lightly with your fingertips.
The vaginal opening is further back, towards her anus. It’s where penetration occurs if you have intercourse, and it’s also where vaginal lubrication is secreted from. The majority of the nerve endings are located in the outer third of the vaginal canal, so tracing your finger around the opening or inserting a few fingers inside will feel great.
Her clitoris is hands-down the most sensitive part of her anatomy. The tiny little nub is packed with nerve endings. Most women need direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. Be very gentle with the clitoris until you get a sense of how much stimulation she likes.

  1. Use Lube
    As I mentioned above, the skin on a woman’s genitals is quite delicate. You don’t want your fingers pulling and tugging at her skin when you’re touching her. I highly recommend using artificial lube when you’re fingering her. You can use her natural fluids as lubricant (just dip your fingers into her vaginal opening), but they won’t last as long and she may feel embarrassed if she “dries out”. Artificial lube will not only decrease her discomfort (and any potential pain), but it will also increase her sensitivity and help your fingers move more deftly. I think silicone lubricant lasts longest and feels best against the skin.
  1. Experiment With Your Touch
    Every woman’s body responds differently, so you’ll want to play around with a few different ways of touching her to figure out what she likes best. There’s no need to go crazy with a ton of different techniques; just give her a few options! In general, women like one of three different approaches: clitoral stroking, penetration with your fingers, or both at the same time.

Try a couple clitoral strokes, like circling around her clitoris with one finger, gliding diagonally across the surface, rubbing up and down, or going side to side. Next, try using your fingers inside of her, starting with one, then moving up to two and three. Then try using one hand inside of her and the other on her clitoris. Ask her, “do you like it better when I do this or this?” Or see which approach makes her moan louder or breathe heavier.

  1. Hone In On Her Clitoris
    Once you’ve got her going, make sure you spend particular attention to her clitoris. Most women need repetitive, consistent clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. Find your rhythm and don’t make any changes as she starts to near her climax.
  2. Let Her Tell You When To Stop

Women take an average of 20 minutes to reach orgasm, and a lot of women are sensitive about taking “too long.” One of the best things you can do as her partner is to tell her you’re going to keep touching her for as long as it feels pleasurable for her. Note that I said “for as long as it feels pleasurable” instead of “until she orgasms.” You don’t want to put pressure on her to reach orgasm. Focus instead on making her feel good.

  1. Enjoy Yourself
    Bringing another person an immense amount of pleasure with just your hands can be an incredibly fun and empowering experience. Enjoy the ride! Plus, the more fun you have, the more relaxed she’s going to feel, and the more pleasure she’ll allow herself to take in. It’s a win-win situation for everyone!

These Oral Sex Tips Will Blow Him Away In Bed

First step: Stop thinking of it as a job. Done correctly, oral sex can be satisfying for both of you.

GET YOUR 69 ON
If you’re both having a good time, you’ll both be more inclined to help the other person get off. Everybody wins!

USE A VIBRATOR
Yeah, you’ll be a little busy, but that doesn’t mean you can’t pleasure yourself too. Try a hands-free vibrator, or hand over the remote to a model.

MAKE EYE CONTACT
It sounds intimidating, but the payoff is worth it. “Glance up at him just as you’re about to take his penis as far into your mouth as you can, then maintain eye contact for a few strokes or the entire time.” “This move is super intimate, as extended eye contact causes a release of oxytocin, the bonding hormone, in both of you.”

FIND A COMFORTABLE POSITION
The more at ease you are, the more you’ll be able to focus on the, um, task at hand.

TEASE HIM
Foreplay can mean the difference between a standard oral sex experience and the best. time. ever. To up the excitement, start by licking, blowing, stroking, and kissing everything but his penis. “Wait until he’s flushed, panting, and practically — or really! — begging for it. It’ll be more than worth the wait,”.

TAKE CONTROL
When you’re in a healthy relationship, giving oral sex “can be one of the most empowering things you do because you’re taking charge of his pleasure.”

TRY FLAVORED LUBE
In addition to making the experience slightly more appealing for you.

GO SLOW
The slower you take things — especially at the start — the more you’ll make him squirm.

CHECK IN
Don’t stress if he doesn’t maintain a full-on erection throughout. Berkeley, California-based sexologist Amy Marsh says it’s totally normal for his erection to ebb and flow, and has nothing to do with how much fun he’s having. But it also doesn’t hurt to ask him to signal when he’s really enjoying himself. Says Marsh, “Being honest about how it feels will boost enjoyment on both sides.”

TAKE IT AN INCH AT A TIME
Despite what you may have seen in porn, you shouldn’t feel like you have to immediately jam his entire penis down your throat (or even at all). “Gagging takes you both out of the moment, and you and he will enjoy oral sex much more when you’re both having fun,” says Marsh. You can achieve a similar sensation by gripping the base of his shaft, and moving your hand and mouth in a rhythmic motion. (Flavored lube will make this a lot easier.)

BE CLEAR ABOUT YOUR BOUNDARIES
If you’re just not into a particular kind of oral sex (e.g. deep-throating), don’t be afraid to say so. “Be mindful of what your body is comfortable doing,” suggests sex therapist De-Andrea Blaylock-Johnson. “And listen to your body as you’re giving.” Make it a point to talk through your boundaries before, during, and after sex.

USE YOUR LIPS
The so-called “lipstick technique” makes for some exciting sensations for him, and it’s a great way to break things up for yourself. Using your hand, run the head of his penis against the outline of your lips, taking the head in your mouth between outlines for added lubrication.

EXPLORE HIS FRENULUM
The frenulum, located on the underside of the penis, contains a bundle of nerves, says Marsh. Flick it with the tip of your tongue, or circle the head of the penis slowly, stopping each time you hit this pleasure spot.

FIND A RHYTHM
Licking his penis like you’re licking an ice cream cone is a guy-pleaser for a reason: Not only does a regular rhythm help get him even more worked up, but it gives you a chance to get into a groove. “Creating a steady rhythm is what builds and sustains excitement,” explains Marsh.

SHOW HIM YOU’RE HAVING FUN
Found your groove? Show him you’re into it. “Conveying your genuine enthusiasm is the biggest turn-on,” according to Michaels and Johnson. “The more pleasure you feel, and the more you can get across that you’re enjoying the act, the more pleasure your partner will receive in turn.”

INFLICT (A LITTLE BIT OF) PAIN
Now’s the time to keep it nice…or get a bit naughty. Pain tolerance increases with arousal, so you could try digging your fingernails into him, or tightening the grip of your mouth.

USE YOUR TEETH
Adding teeth to the action may sound like a cruel prank, but it can actually be super-sexy, especially when your partner trusts you. Gently glide the surface of your teeth along his shaft, trailing it with your tongue.

EXPLORE OTHER SENSITIVE SPOTS
There are a whole bunch of places on his body (besides the shaft of his penis!) that are supersensitive and can lead to a mind-blowing experience. For starters, work the area around his penis — his balls, obviously, the scrotum, and the perineum (that place between his balls and his butt). Feel free to let your hands roam over other sensitive areas around his body, too — like behind his knees, his butt, and his inner thighs.

TEASE HIS FORESKIN
If your man has a foreskin, use it to your advantage. “The foreskin is a great place to tease with oral sex,” says Marsh. As he gets more erect, use your tongue to gently push the foreskin back with your tongue and lips.

PLAY WITH TEMPERATURES
Sucking on an ice cube right before you put him in your mouth will give him a tingly thrill. Even taking a sip of cold water can create the same positive sensation. “Keeping a cup of warm tea near the bed also provides another way to play with temperature,” says Blaylock-Johnson.

TAKE A BREAK
If your mouth or jaw is feeling achy, simply take a few moments to kiss or caress his thighs, suggest Michaels and Johnson. “Continuing manual stimulation gives your jaw a rest, and it gives you a chance to check in with your partner and see how you’re both doing.”

HUM
Want to take the action up a notch? Hum while he’s inside your mouth. “The vibrations create an added sensation,” say Michaels and Johnson. “Holding a vibrator against your cheek can do the same thing.” Finally, don’t underestimate the power of a well-timed moan on your end. “Making erotic sounds isn’t only a turn on for him. It can also get you more excited,” explain Michaels and Johnson.

LET HIM TAKE IN THE VIEW
Besides your rapidly-rising body temperature, there’s very little that’s hot about hiding under the covers. Instead, show off a bit. Maybe even break out a sexy new lingerie set. Remember, you can attend to your pleasure by touching yourself with one hand, or have him do the same.

PUT YOUR BREASTS TO WORK
If you’re bent over him or looking up at him, that means your cleavage is also on display. You already know he loves them, so during oral try taking his penis in one hand and tracing it over and between your breasts. “It’s a different sensation that may be fun to try,” says Blaylock-Johnson. “Of course, depending on how large your breasts are, it may be fun to incorporate them.” We’ll bet any size breast is A-OK for your partner, though.

TOUCH HIS TESTICLES
Want to give him an experience he’ll never forget? Right before he’s about to climax, very lightly tug on his testicles, suggests Marsh. Not only is the skin here super-thin and packed with nerve endings, but just the fact that his most sensitive bits are in your hand will send him over the edge.

ASK HIM WHAT HE LIKES
No two penises (or guys) are alike — which means that every man will have different specific turn-ons. Don’t rely on tricks that you used on other penises in the past. Ask your partner what he likes while you’re trying new things — more pressure? More suction? There’s no better way to give him a mind-blowing O than to give him exactly what he likes.

PLAY WITH FOOD
Playing with your food is totally acceptable — as long as you’re in the bedroom, that is. Take the fun-factor of giving a blow job up a notch by bringing some whipped cream and warm chocolate syrup into the mix. He’ll love the sensation, and you’ll love the sweet treat.

TRY A NEW ANGLE
If you always tend to give blow jobs from the same position, don’t be afraid to try something new. “Switching up the angle will change the sensation for him,” Scalisi says. He’ll feel the crazy intensity, and you’ll beat BJ boredom: It’s a win-win.

TURN UP THE FAN
Bringing a fan into the equation isn’t just a great way to help you and your partner cool down as you’re steaming up the bedroom. When you position it so the breeze hits between his legs, he’ll get an instant jolt of pleasure, making the blow job that much more intense.

Finding Casual Sex Partners

Finding Casual Sex Partners

How To Find The Perfect Partner For Casual Sex

Looking for no-strings sex? Thousands of women looking for the same rompin’ relationship are just a click away.

Casual encounters with a stranger can sometimes be hard to find, despite the large number of willing singles guaranteed to be near you right at this very moment. Fortunately, the internet provides each and every one of us — regardless of looks or charm — with the opportunity to “sell” ourselves online to a suitable (or completely unsuitable, as the case may be) woman, man or “other.” Lots of women are signing up to hookup websites like Tinder and Adult Friend Finder, making it easier than ever to find casual sex partners who are on the same page as you. But don’t get complacent; you have some hard virtual challenges to overcome first.

Here are some tips on finding casual sex partners online.

step 1

Get an identity

To help you out, women want to find someone attractive, funny, intelligent, interesting, and fun to be around. First impressions last the longest; your profile is your sole 30 seconds at most, and the image is the first 20. When it comes to finding casual sex partners online, you won’t get any second chances, so make it good.

step 2

Get online

Some of the best dating sites host people from all over the world who are offering themselves up for all sorts of things, including casual sex. The key is to find someone who is looking for the same thing as you.

Start by signing yourself up on one or more of the various websites. You’ll need to complete a profile and fill out a couple questionnaires and/or quizzes to help establish your best matches.

We also recommend signing up to certain dating sites that are targeted toward your particular needs. If you want to find someone with life experience, you should check out mature dating sites. If diversity in your relationship is a priority, you should look into some of these best interracial dating sites.

To help you narrow down the best online “flirting” options, we compiled the top 10 hookup websites — but if you want to jump right in, check out Match.com or Plenty of Fish. Alternately, if you’re looking for a more wild online dating site, you may want to check out makeyournight.in

step 3

Get chatting

Essentially, the “if you knock on 10 doors, one will (theoretically) open” protocol works here. So, get knockin’. This means e-mailing or messaging women, expressing your interest in getting to know them better. Don’t expect to be welcomed by every woman you talk to, but don’t let that discourage you. Be charming, respectful, funny and keep some mystery about you — finding a casual sex partner is not about getting to know each other’s favorite food, color and pets’ names.

step 4

Go “dating”

When you feel the time is right, ask a woman you have built up a rapport with on a date in a public place. To make the very best first impression, make sure to think up some fun date ideas before you meet. These dates lay the groundwork for whether or not you eventually get laid.

Finding casual sex partners has never been so easy…

keep it casual
How you negotiate the online maze of relations all depends on what kind of person you are. It can be easy to get lost, so keep it simple, keep at it, and adapt when necessary. Don’t tell fibs, and make sure to always treat others how you would expect to be treated — with decency. No matter what either of your intentions are, finding casual sex partners online can be very rewarding, and you may just end up with more than you bargained for. Happy hunting!

10 Not-So-Obvious Things That Are Killing Your Sex Drive

10 Not-So-Obvious Things That Are Killing Your Sex Drive

Overview
You’re getting enough sleep, meditating to reduce stress and your hormonal levels checked out fine at the doctor. So why is your libido still missing in action? Exhaustion, stress and hormonal problems are among the most common and well-known causes of low libido, but they are far from the only culprits. Whether you or your partner are struggling in the desire department, gaining awareness of the underlying cause is important. Read on to learn about 10 less obvious causes worth considering.

  1. Performance Anxiety
    Worrying that sex is more about performing well in bed than pleasure and connection can fuel anxiety, which is a major libido killer. “Sexual desire, arousal and performance have a significantly large mental component that many individuals are not aware of,” says Natalie Stanish, an associate licensed marriage and family therapist in Chicago. Concern over ejaculating prematurely, she added, is a potential setup for performance anxiety and low sex drive. The same can happen if you or your partner experiences erectile dysfunction, takes a while to reach orgasm or tries to replicate sex as portrayed in porn.
  2. Too Much Exercise
    A healthy lifestyle that includes regular exercise can enhance sexual function, including your arousal capabilities. Going overboard, however, can have the opposite effect. Hardcore training puts a lot of stress on the body, which can disrupt the endocrine system, according to recent research. As a result, chronic overexercise can lower testosterone levels, leading to less interest in sex. Overexercise can also inhibit libido by lowering estrogen levels and causing exhaustion, weakness and fatigue.
  3. Certain Medications
    Certain medications can bring on libido loss as a side effect. “Desiring and engaging in sexual activity requires a range of neurological structures to work properly,” said Gabriella I. Farkas, M.D., Ph.D., a psychiatrist in the greater New York City area, noting in particular the cerebral cortex, limbic system, pituitary gland, medulla oblongata, cerebellum and peripheral nervous system. “If even one of these is damaged or underperforming, libido may be substantially compromised.” In addition to disorders like depression, anxiety and Parkinson’s disease, medications known to interfere with these functions and sex drive include SSRIs like Prozac and Zoloft, Anafranil, which treats OCD, and antipsychotics. Antihistamines, opioids and some birth-control pills can also lower libido.
  4. An Underactive Thyroid
    Your thyroid gland produces hormones that regulate your metabolism, which affects not only digestion and calories burned, but also your moods, energy levels and sex drive. While an overactive thyroid gland can cause increased sex drive, an underactive thyroid — also known as hypothyroidism — can tank it. “With hypothyroidism, the metabolism is slowed down, which means the reproductive organs are slowed down as well,” says Kent Holdorf, M.D. “The adrenal glands that produce hormones that convert into the sex hormones are also slowed down. Both men and women can see decreased testosterone and estrogen levels.”
  5. Too Much Tech
    Scrolling through your smartphone before sleep can be fun, but it can also take up time that could have been spent more intimately with your partner. This kind of distraction seems to fuel less interest in sex. A study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior in February 2017 showed that young millennials are more than twice as likely to refrain from sex in their early 20s as compared with the previous generation. Some experts believe the shift is partly due to plentiful screen time and less focus on in-person interaction. This makes sense, given that millennials also spend more time online than older adults.
  6. Family Responsibilities
    Speaking of distractions, family responsibilities and a relationship that’s gone on for some time can lower sex drive. “The stronger the relationship, the more a significant other is more than just a partner,” said psychiatrist Dr. Farkas. “This is especially true for married couples with children. It can be challenging to imagine having sex with one’s best friend or the parent of one’s child.” While eroticism and domesticity don’t need to oppose each other, it’s common. In “Mating in Captivity,” sexologist and author Esther Perel illustrates that sex often grows blasé because it thrives on novelty and surprise and safety and security equally. If you and your partner haven’t prioritized new shared experiences or individual passions to maintain a sense of mystique, sex can fall off your radar.
  7. Too Much Alcohol
    A few sips of wine may help set the mood, but going overboard on alcohol of any kind can interfere with sexual desire. Alcohol can make it more difficult to achieve or maintain an erection, reduce vaginal lubrication and make orgasms more difficult to experience or less intense. A study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in May of 2016 linked recreational drug use, including alcohol, with lower libido in infertile couples.
  8. Trust Issues
    Everyone lies on occasion, but in some cases deception or insecurities around trust go deeper than the occasional white lie, fueling significant intimacy problems. And these issues don’t have to involve infidelity. Past betrayals, lying about money and feeling hurt or rejected can all play a role. “The amount of trust, bonding and closeness a partner feels toward the other may subconsciously affect their libido levels,” said marriage and family therapist Natalie Stanish. “Sexual encounters are significantly emotional and vulnerable in an intimate relationship, and any type of rupture of trust or closeness to your partner may unknowingly affect your or their sexual desire or interest in being physically intimate.”
  9. Sleep Apnea
    More than 18 million people have sleep apnea, a sleep disorder that causes snoring and repeated, brief interruptions in breathing as you snooze. In addition to other complications, such as an increased risk for heart disease and memory problems, sleep apnea can make sex a lot less appealing. In fact, a study published in the European Respiratory Journal in 2014 showed that obstructive sleep apnea lowered sex drive in men and women. That’s likely because not only does sleep apnea, which causes poor sleep, drive down levels of testosterone, but the lack of quality sleep can leave partners less in tune with the others’ needs and moods and put a drain on the relationship.
  10. All Work and No Play
    Americans work more hours than any other population the world. If a 40-hour work week sounds like a vacation and your sex life could use one, you may want to scale back. Overwork can lead to burnout, a condition marked by stress and feelings of inadequacy that can cause insomnia, dizziness, difficulty thinking clearly and chronic fatigue. All of this can interfere with your sex life, lowering sexual desire and your sense of closeness. Even if you don’t experience burnout, working excessive hours leaves little time for intimacy with your partner.

What Do YOU Think?
Everyone experiences decreased sex drive on occasion. If your symptoms are severe or long-lasting, see your doctor to rule out or secure treatment for any medical causes. Working with a sex and relationship therapist and maintaining open communication with your partner can also help, no matter what the cause.

What to Wear For Casual Sex Encounters?

dress for sex

Since we all notice a person’s appearance before having a chance to speak, your outfit should do some talking for you. Dressing too provocatively can scare a person away who is looking for love, but casual dating is the perfect time to dust off your corset and garter and work what you’ve got!

While everyone’s own personal style differs, the goal of a hookup outfit should be the same. Your outfit will attract people with similar tastes, so try to keep your date in mind while choosing something that is comfortable and that makes you feel sexy.

Top to Bottom
Make sure to do your hair and make-up. It polishes the look and gives you a bump of confidence. Just consider potential messes when choosing lip color. A stain might be best.

Garments with zippers or stretchy bodycon dresses both feed a man’s imagination of how easy they’d be to remove.

Since foot fetishism is the dominant fixation for most men, don’t skimp on your footwear. This is a great time to rock your favorite stilettos, platforms, heeled boots, or elegant sandals. This is the one area where being difficult to remove doesn’t matter since you’re most likely going to be taking them off yourself. Wouldn’t want to miss the opportunity for the classic bend-and-unsnap.

Don’t Disregard the Lingerie
This is the final thing he’ll see before the main exhibit, so don’t dissapoint.

Consider the hue, as color plays a big role in emotion. These are some of the most common colors used in undergarments, but certainly not your only choices. Don’t be discouraged to wear what looks best on you.

Black conjures thoughts of mystery, power, and seduction.
White, in contrast, represents innocence, softness, and perfection.
Red is linked with our most primal urges, associated with passion, lust, vitality, and strength.
Nude(beige, gold, brown, tan) and all of it’s varying neutral shades are calming, crisp, and represent the same purity, elegance, and innocence as ivory. Avoid looking too blah by choosing satin or a textured cloth.
Don’t wear something complicated to take on and off, or something worn out. You don’t need to go out and buy something silky or lacey for the occasion, but do choose something that’s nice, looks sexy, and most importantly something you feel comfortable in.

No matter how sexy your panties maybe, if they’re constantly riding up or itchy, the discomfort on your face is going to show and seriously cut back on your sex appeal.

Consider Who You’re Going Out With
Being too dressy around someone more low-key can give off a snooty air, while not dressing up enough for someone more established will appear lazy or sloppy. Put some time into considering your date’s own style, personality, and any fetishes they have.

A successful older man might enjoy a nice, classy dress.
A more outgoing younger guy won’t be scared off by a skimpier dress, bold makeup, and shiny accessories.
A rocker type will dig your favorite band tee, fishnets, and a fitted pencil skirt.
DON’T WEAR
No one wraps presents in cellophane. Seeing everything all at once on a person equally quells excitement of opening the gift. Additionally, a bounty cloaked in duct tape is just going to leave the recipient frustrated and fruitless.

Make it easy for your date so he can feel confident and adequate while peeling off your layers. Anything that makes you look like a lady of the night – unless that’s a fantasy of theirs. But do consider you’re going to have to be seen in whatever you choose on your way to meet him. Maybe flirt with the idea of a trench coat to build anticipation for the big reveal.

Skinny Jeans
You don’t need your man punching himself in the face when your hips finally release those pants. Despite how banging they may make your booty, if something is hard for you to get on, it’ll be equally hard to take off.

Tights
Not only can these high waisted accoutrements appear a bit granny, they also prevent him from brushing up against skin. If you must, wear thigh-highs. They’re easier to remove and SO SEXY.

Complex Lingerie
If you think you’re sensing a pattern here, you’re right. While undergarments with lots of straps or cutouts are super hot in photos, they’re also a man’s worst nightmare. Anything that takes a couple minutes for you to put on, a man will never figure out how to seize it.

The art of seduction is complex and your appearance places a pivotal role in how you are perceived. A careless decision to wear something frumpy or unfitting can crush the mood you and your casual dating partners have been building together. Spend some quality time in front of your mirror trying your different options until you find the look that works for you.

Low Sex Drive in Men: Why It Happens and What to Do

Low Sex Drive

How to Cope with Low Sex Drive in Men

1 Side Effect of Aging: Low Sex Drive in Men

Unfortunately, low sex drive in men is seen as an inevitable side effect of aging, but guys who are headed into their golden years are not always doomed to a loss of interest in a little under-the-sheets play. In fact, the average man may enjoy a hearty appetite for intimacy far into his older years. Conversely, a weak libido can affect younger men. Understanding the underlying causes is the key to overcoming this problem or avoiding it altogether. In the following sections, we will discuss the facts about decreased sex drive and what to do about it.

Does ED = Decreased Sex Drive?

While it stands to reason that they are connected, low libido and a weak sex drive should not be put into the same category as erectile dysfunction, as they are completely different medical issues. In fact, men who have ED may have a very powerful interest in sex – they are just not up to the task, so to speak. However, these conditions can co-exist, particularly in men who have cardiovascular disease or a systemic illness such as diabetes. Because of this, a doctor should always be the first stop in determining why you’re not feeling the urge as often.

What about Low T?

Hormones such as testosterone do, indeed, play an important role in the ability to feel aroused. Men who have lower-than normal levels of testosterone are much less likely to feel turned on or to engage in any sexual activity, even masturbation. Low T, as it is often called, can be caused by stress, certain medications (such as antidepressants and some blood pressure medications and chemotherapy drugs), and other medical factors. Treating these issues and/or switching medications can help put the pep back in your step.

Other hormonal factors

Interestingly enough, not only testosterone, but also other hormones play a big role in the sexual arena. Low levels of thyroid hormone or very high levels of prolactin can impact testosterone levels, leading to low T issues. Again, treating these medical concerns is the first step in overcoming low sex drive.

Mental factors

While men are often blamed for thinking with their penis, rather than their brain, the brain actually plays a very important role in arousal. As such, men who are suffering from mood disorders such as depression and anxiety – conditions that occur in part due to altered brain chemistry, may not feel much like cuddling up with a partner. Likewise, a man who is experiencing relationship stress may not feel turned on by his partner. Therapy, either individual or for couples, can help address these concerns and allow a man to feel more like himself.

Penile Care

Believe it or not, the confidence and sense of well-being that come from adequate self-care can go a long way toward making anyone – male or female – feel sexier and more attractive. For the average man, this can be accomplished through regular and thorough attention to penile hygiene. Make sure to clean the area properly to keep it in tip top shape, then dry and moisturize your skin with a product made specifically for men, like a penis health creme (health professionals recommend Man 1 Man Oil, which has been clinically proven safe and mild for skin). This particular health crème is a super weapon, containing vitamins and nutrients essential to the wellbeing of private area skin, like vitamin C, for collagen production, and Shea butter, which hydrates the skin leaving the area soft and smooth. Keep the penis skin clean, dry, and hydrated for optimal health.

7 Sexual Positions Women Enjoy

Sexual Positions Women Enjoy

Women Reveal The Seven Bedroom Positions They Enjoy Most

It’s fair to say that men will enjoy most sex positions – pretty much any that involve, well, sex.

Women are a bit more complicated, and what men may love the most isn’t what is going to get their lady to the finish line. We consulted some sex experts and adult performers – people who make sex their business – to see what positions are the best for women to enjoy. It seems that while yoga-tastic, wildly inventive advanced sex positions may be great for a change now and then, what women love the most is really missionary. Simple and delicious. Don’t spend all your energy trying to make a crazy position work, spend that time focusing on pleasure while enjoying some of these timeless classics that women love.

Missionary

Missionary is one of the most popular sex positions for a reason: It delivers results! It is intimate, allowing you to gaze deep into your lover’s eyes as you reach the finish line. “The positioning and motion stimulates the woman’s clitoris, which is what the majority of ladies (close to 70%) need in order to orgasm.

Perhaps this is why women have been rating it their top pick over the years,” says sexologist Emily Morse, host of the Sex With Emily podcast and author of Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight.

“The romantic and softer side of me really enjoys missionary,” says adult entertainment performer Jelena Jensen, known for her work with studios like Girlfriends Films. “While in missionary, I’m able to see him above me, look into his eyes and wrap my entire body around him. There’s much more of a connection while in missionary, especially with someone you have feelings for.”

Adult performer and fetish model Casey Calvert agrees on missionary as a favorite. “In my book, relaxation is step one to orgasm. But besides that, missionary is my number-one position because I can control the angle of my pelvis to make sure he’s really hitting just the right spot. I can do the same in cowgirl, I’m just more of a girl-on-the-bottom kinda girl!”

Missionary Variation: Legs On Chest

One of the great things about missionary is that there are plenty of ways to spice it up, says Morse. “For example, instead of laying chest to chest, try holding your partner’s legs against your chest, crossed at the ankles with her thigh muscles clenched. Women will still love this variation because the clenched thighs provide the same amount of clitoral stimulation (if not more) and allow for a little more hip movement to help your partner hit that sweet spot. Men will definitely enjoy the tighter feel, the ability for deeper thrusts, and the increased visibility won’t hurt either,” says Morse.

Doggy Style 1: Stacked Spooning

If we were going by most enjoyable positions for men, doggy style would definitely make the cut. “It’s no secret why men love this porn-tastic position. It is naughty, allows for full range of motion, and you really can’t beat the view,” says Morse. For women, on the other hand, doggy style is not always a slam-dunk. Morse suggests a variation of doggy-style that both men and women can get behind, if you’ll pardon the pun.

“It’s a lot like the well-known spooning position, but instead of staying on your sides, you and your partner are stacked on top of one another. Have your partner lay face down on a bed or some other soft surface with her legs slightly spread. Lie on top of her, using your arms for support (kind of like a plank) and enter her from behind. Not only does this face down configuration provide more intense friction with each thrust, the rocking motion will also create some pleasurable pressure against your clitoris for a double whammy,” says Morse.

Doggy Style 2: Pillow Under Pelvis

If the stacked feeling proves to be a little bit too much, you can also try placing a pillow underneath her pelvis. “The slight elevation allows for much deeper penetration, and also puts her at the perfect angle for some effortless G-Spot stimulation,” says Morse.

Doggy Style 3: Flattened Doggy

There are other spins on traditional doggy great for women as well. “While in a flattened doggy, the man is able to hold the woman down by the small of her back. Not only is this great for women that like to be restrained, but the lower back is also an erogenous zone of the female body. This position can also allow for more G-spot stimulation,” says Jensen who shares that this is a great choice for women who are more turned on by the submissive side of sex.

Woman On Top

When it comes to female-friendly sex positions, being on top is definitely a pleaser! “With the man on his back, ladies get full control of depth and speed of motion, and are free to grind their hips in whatever way will provide the best direct clitoral stimulation. From a visual perspective, this position is just about as good as it gets for guys. Plus, because this position focuses more on rocking back and forth than thrusting in and out, men tend to last a bit longer too!” says Morse.

Woman On Top Variation: Chair

Some women may shy away from the standard cowgirl position because they feel too on display or are self-conscious in their movements, says Morse. “If this is the case, or if you just feel like trying something a little more comfortable, take this position to the nearest couch or chair. Sit up normally and have your partner straddle you so that you are face-to-face, or breasts-to-face, depending on height. Instead of bouncing up and down like they do in all of your favorite movies, have your partner swirl around in circles and rock back and forth so that the penis hits the wall of her G-spot over and over again. This grinding motion should also do some pretty magical things for her clitoris too, hopefully resulting in an elusive blended orgasm,” says Morse.

How to French Kiss: 9 Sex Therapist-Approved Tips

deep french kissing

Whether it’s the first time or the 100th, French kissing is something that, ideally, should leave your partner feeling weak in the knees. From figuring out the right amount of tongue to use to remembering to breathe, there’s a lot that goes into how to French kiss. In general, the more confident and relaxed you are, the better. So if you’re doubting your make out skills, chill. French kissing is an art, and you can always improve your technique. Whether your looking for a basic outline of how to French kiss or pro tips to take your make out game to the next level, we’ve compiled the ultimate guide to French kissing, with expert tips from sex therapists and dating experts.

How to French Kiss: The Basics and Beyond

  1. Make a Move
    Don’t be afraid to make the first move! “We are all responsible for our own pleasure, and shouldn’t always wait for the other person to turn us on or kiss us. Both partners should be assertive if they want (to French kiss). Don’t ask if you can kiss. Perhaps start off with a forehead kiss, and then a kiss on the tip of the nose – then go in for a kiss. Pull your love close to you by the waist and tell them how good their lips taste on your tongue,” says relationship and sex therapist Marissa Nelson.
  2. Start Slowly
    When it comes to french kissing, there’s no need to rush. Rushing, actually, can do more harm than good. “Ease into it. Sometimes people are anxious and jump into the kiss. It’s not smooth and it can get a awkward. Make sure it’s mutual and start with meaningful eye contact,” explains Dr. Claudia Six, a clinical sexologist and counselor.

“Start by keeping your mouth relaxed and your kisses soft and tender at first. Kiss the top of the lips, the bottom of the lips, graze your tongue between the lips and slowly add a little tongue. You can play and chase your partner’s tongue for a couple of seconds and then suck on the top and bottom lip. When you start getting into the groove, you can increase the pressure and intensity of the kiss,” says Dr. Nelson.

  1. Be Present and Passionate
    Stay present, relax and try not to overthink about your kissing technique. According to Dr. Chris Donaghue, relationship expert and author of “Sex Outside the Lines:Authentic Sexuality in a Sexually Dysfunctional Culture,” the No. 1 thing people struggle with when french kissing is focusing too much on trying to be good. “What makes French kissing good is being present but also being passionate. Just be in the moment. When you’re French kissing with someone you’re saying ‘I have passion for you. I want to connect deeper. I want to build intimacy with you.’ It’s a profound act of showing interest, care and love. You’re trying to communicate to someone that you care about them; don’t be so obsessed with technique.” says Dr. Donaghue.
  2. Pay Attention to How Your Partner is Responding
    If you’re paying attention to your partner, you pick up on things. If they’re going slow and not using tongue yet, it’s a signal to you to keep things slow and simple (for the moment). All along the way it’s important to read their energy. “Make eye contact once in awhile and pay attention to what’s happening. If you know don’t if the other person can’t breathe, for example, don’t ignore it and just kind of plow forth.”

As passion builds and momentum increases, you can kiss them with more urgency. “See how they’re responding and if they seem to like what’s happening. Look at your partner and also feel their breath,” says Dr. Six. Is their breath getting faster or deeper? Are there hands clinging to you? Those are good signs.”

  1. Use Your Tongue Purposefully
    This isn’t a kiss hello or a peck on the cheek. French kissing all about passion, and that means using your tongue. There’s a fine line between the perfect about of tongue and too much tongue, however.

“It’s that really beautiful gray area where you’re using tongue thereby making it more impactful and hot and sexier than just a closed mouth kiss or a peck on the cheek. But don’t overwhelm with thrusting and tongue power; it’s about a gentle use of your tongue to communicate interest or passion,” says Dr. Donaghue.

While movie kisses are typically wide-mouthed, tongue-lapping affairs, that’s always a real portrayal of how to French kiss. There’s an ebb and a flow, at times slow, tender and sweet but gradually increasing in intensity. But when you’re actually kissing a real guy, how much tongue do you use? If you want a flat-out formula, try this:

As you start kissing, lick his lips a tiny bit. It’s like a movie trailer of what’s to come!
Tease him by putting the tip of your tongue in his mouth for just a second and then moving your head back slightly to tease him. So sweet and seductive…
Run the tip of your tongue around your guy’s teeth, play with his tongue and even suck on his tongue gently for few seconds, which will feel surprisingly amazing.
Combine tongue kisses with sweet kisses, slow and soft kisses, neck kisses, cheek kisses, etc.

  1. Use Your Hands
    Don’t leave your hands in your pocket or limp at your sides. Use them! There’s literally so many sexy and sweet ways you can use your hands while your making out:

run your fingers through partner’s hair
gently scrape them along their back and neck
hold their hands in yours
grip their waist or legs if your sitting in their lap or straddling them
cup their face in your hands
etc.
“Where your hands are communicates something,” says Dr. Donaghue. “If your hands are wrapped around them that naturally adds like another layer of passion and intensity.”

  1. Open Your Eyes (Sometimes)
    Once you’re really comfortable with French kissing, start to play with basic technique can play with it. Now that you’ve got the basics down, try opening your eyes. When most people think of kissing, they think of closed eyes. But making eye contact before the kiss and during the kiss can make the experience more intimate.
  2. Get Lost In the Moment
    “Get into it! Bring your excitement and passion. No one wants to kiss a dead fish. Allow yourself to let go and get lost in the moment,” says Dr. Nelson.
  3. Don’t Neglect Make Out Sessions
    Continued effort to make out years into your relationship communicates to your partner that you care about them and that they are important to you. It is a big deal and it matters greatly.

“Unfortunately, the longer a couple is together the lazier they get about how much work they put into French kissing. They tend to think it doesn’t matter as much, that it’s not as needed,” explains Dr. Donaghue. “I think couples need to prioritize kissing more because that is one of the first things that diminishes. Sex will keep going, but kissing slows down and stops. But for most of the couples I work with, kissing is more meaningful to them than just sex. French kissing needs to remain a priority, especially in long-term relationships.

  1. If It’s Not Going Well, Talk About It the Right Way
    When it comes to any criticism of kissing (or anything sexual), most people are a little fragile and insecure. So don’t do criticize. Far better to let your partner know what you like and what turns you on. Make it about you, not them. The fact of the matter is, there’s no right or wrong way to French kiss. Everyone kisses differently, and all that matters is that you and your partner work together to make French kissing a positive experience for both parties.

“It’s better to not make a comment or critique about how they kiss. Instead of saying ‘You use too much tongue’ or ‘I don’t like the way you kissed me,’ it’s better to say ‘Hey, I love when people kiss me with a lot of tongue,’ or ‘I love when people use less tongue,’ etc. And that’s actually the whole truth: there is no such thing as a wrong kiss hurts. It’s just that they don’t know how you like to be kissed and then you need to tell them,” says Dr. Donaghue.

One of Dr. Nelson’s suggestions is for couples to write a list of turn ons and turn offs when it comes to their French kissing styles and share it with each other. One night, one partner should take the lead and show how they like to be kissed, and the following night you the roles are reversed.

Common Complaints About French Kissing
Curious about what people complain about when it comes to their partner’s French kissing? It’s only natural to wonder. Plus, understand how not to French kiss helps us know how to French kiss even better. Here are the top complaints heard by Dr. Six and Dr. Nelson on French kissing technique.

Bad Breath
It might seem obvious, but it still needs to be said: no one wants to French kiss someone with bad breath. If you know your going to get up close and personal, it’s important to brush your teeth and/or pop a breath mint beforehand.

“I can’t tell you how many couples privately complain about their partner’s bad breath,” says Dr. Nelson. “I had a client where one of her biggest turn offs was her partner’s (bad breath). When she was kissing she would not be into the moment, but rather thinking about what he had for lunch. It would prevent her from wanting to kiss or be intimate.”

We worked on sandwiching the critique by her praising what she liked best about their kissing and sex life. Then she let him know that she wanted to be closer to him and noticed that sometimes she was distracted or turned off by his breath when he came home from work. He said ‘no problem,’ went to the dentist to get a cleaning and when he came home he would brush his teeth.”

Kissing That’s Too Wet or Sloppy
“Keep the saliva at bay and the drool to yourself,” says Dr. Nelson. “It’s one of the biggest reported turn offs when the kissing is too juicy or someone is slobbering on them.

Too Much Tongue
When someone uses too much tongue during French kissing, it can leave their partner feeling overwhelmed and anything but turned on. If your partner is overzealous, try kissing without tongue, and then reintroducing it later. “A guy in session told me his girlfriend tried to play tonsil hockey with him and it freaked him out. We focused on just kissing without tongue and paying attention to being tender by holding each other’s face, and using kissing to connect emotionally,” says Dr. Six.

Scratchy Facial Hair on the Man
Some women love the feeling of a man’s stubble or beard along their cheek, but for others it’s downright painful. If you fall in the latter camp, ask you guy to shave! Communication is everything when it comes to French kissing (and just about everything else in a relationship). “If you’re really going to get into it, you can can end up chafing the girl’s skin,” says Dr. Six.

Things To Consider Before Sleeping With A Virgin

sleep with a virgin

Let’s say you’ve been dating someone a while and you’re discussing the prospect of having sex for the first time together. You’re naturally feeling pretty excited to take things to the next level, and the two of you are talking about how it will go down. So far, so good!

However, that’s when things take an unexpected turn. She pauses, and then brings up an unusual complicating detail: she’s never actually done this before. No, not just with you: she’s never had sex with anyone, period. Yup — she’s a virgin.

How do you proceed? What are the rules here? How do you make her feel as comfortable as possible, and make sure her first experience goes well?

Well, don’t freak out, because this article has you covered. Read on for the top eight things to consider before sleeping with a virgin:

  1. Society Has A Lot Of Strange Ideas About Virginity
    The idea of “virginity” is treated in a variety of different ways in society and through the mainstream media, from an embarrassment to be gotten rid of at all costs to the ultimate state of purity and innocence.

In general, these contrasting conceptions of virginity divide down gender lines: men who are virgins are more likely to be thought of as deserving of sympathy for their “embarrassing” predicament, whereas female virgins are more likely to be considered the ultimate ideal in purity and innocence. Assuming that the virgin you’re thinking of sleeping with is female, it’s worth considering the whole host of societal pressure she is likely facing about the concept of her virginity, and what losing it means.

It’s also worth factoring in the idea that it’s the ultimate goal for men to “take” a woman’s virginity. It’s a pretty creepy way of looking at things, and it would be a good idea for you to reassure her that that’s not your mindset.

  1. This Might Be A Seriously Important Moment For Her (Or Maybe It Isn’t)
    People have varying degrees of sentimentality about losing their virginity. For some people – as mentioned above, usually males – virginity is something to be gotten rid of quickly and without too much fanfare. For others – usually females, but not always – virginity is a precious state to be lost only when you’ve found someone you truly love. For others still, it’s not that big a deal either way: it’s a pretty neutral event; a normal and uneventful part of growing up.

The key thing is for you to determine how your partner feels, and proceed accordingly from there. If this is a massive, massive deal for her, you’re going to need to talk about it in detail and spend some time laying the foundations for the event. If it’s no big deal for her, you’ll still need to be gentle and considerate, but there may be less emotional prep work involved. Tailor your approach to the attitude of your partner, but err on the side of treating it as a significant event for her.

  1. If There Is A Big Age Gap Between You, Consider Not Doing It
    There are lots of reasons that women may end up being in their 20s or beyond and still in virginal states, but, in general, virginity does tend to correlate with younger age.

If you are contemplating sleeping with a virgin who is much younger than you (in her teens, say, while you are well into your 20s or older), it’s worth reconsidering the power dynamics at play in your situation. Sometimes young girls like the idea of sleeping with older men and may feel as if it makes them seem more mature and developed than their peers, but it’s not unusual for them to regret having sex with older men later down the line.

Basically, this one comes down to common decency and probably goes without saying for most AskMen readers: Don’t be a creep and don’t take advantage of someone who is much younger than you. Make sure the power dynamics in your relationship are equal, and that everyone is fully happy to proceed.

  1. Talk About Your Expectations
    Are the two of you in a relationship, or is this a casual thing for you (or her)? Will your relationship continue after the two of you have sex, and in what capacity? These are crucial issues to work through ahead of time – you need to make sure everyone is on the same page and no one is being set up for hurt afterwards.

Obviously you can’t completely prevent one of you getting hurt feelings or regretting what happened, but you can reduce the chances with clear, honest communication up-front.

  1. Take The Usual Precautions To Prevent Unwanted Pregnancy And STIs
    Sleeping with a virgin doesn’t mean you can neglect the usual precautions you need to take to prevent unwanted pregnancies and the spread of STIs. There are still risks to consider no matter who you are sleeping with, so make sure you are using protection (i.e. condoms) and adequate birth control, unless you want her first time to be much more dramatic than it needs to be.
  1. You Will Need To Take Things Slowly And Gently
    Regardless of your partner’s attitude towards losing her virginity, in terms of the physical act itself, it’s going to pay to take things slowly.

Sex is something she hasn’t experienced before and she will be physically unused to it, which could mean a bit of blood on your sheets and potentially some pain for her. Take your cues from your partner: slow down or stop when she tells you to, and listen to what she says to you in terms of how she’s feeling.

Pay extra attention to non-verbal cues, too: if she looks as though she’s uncomfortable, stop and check in, and see if there’s anything she’d like you to do differently. Now is not the time to be experimenting with wild positions and sustained sex marathons, and your main focus should be on ensuring your partner’s comfort.

It’s important to remember, too, that the sex itself may not be amazing: it’s her first time, and given all the social and societal around virginity, it’s highly possible that the event itself will be an anti-climax. Don’t worry too much about that side of things: Sex gets better with practice, so for her first time, focus on making sure she’s comfortable and happy.

  1. Be There For Her Afterwards
    Regardless of your relationship status, you should be kind and courteous to your partner in the aftermath of her first sexual experience. Cuddle, say kind things, and stick around. Make sure she gets home safely. Make sure she’s feeling OK, and check in on how she’s feeling tomorrow, too. Be a support person and a sounding board, and be open about any fears or concerns you have, too – she should be making a similar effort to make sure that you are feeling positively about the experience as well.
  2. Make Sure That You’re Feeling Safe, Happy And Comfortable, Too
    Of course the focus here will mainly be on your partner, as she is the one who is losing her virginity, but that doesn’t mean you fall out of the picture completely. Just because you’ve done this before, it doesn’t mean you don’t need to consider your own feelings.

Are things moving faster than you’d like them to? Are you being pressured out of using protection, or pressured into a relationship you’ve made clear you don’t want? That’s not okay, and you’re entitled to draw clear boundaries and stand up for yourself. Again, communication is important here: make sure you are being crystal clear about your expectations, needs and wants well before the two of you do the deed.

The overarching goal here is to make sure that both of you have a safe and enjoyable time. Your partner will probably need more preparation than you will, and it’s your role to be there for her to discuss any issues that arise. She has a reciprocal role to listen to your concerns, too, and to address them as best as she can.

So there you have it. The idea of sleeping with a virgin can be pretty daunting, due to the high degree of pressure we place on the concept to begin with. It doesn’t need to be an anxiety-inducing experience, though. You can make sure it’s as positive as possible for the two of you by acting with respect and dignity, and by keeping the channels of communication open and honest. Good luck!

How To Ask A Girl For Sex and Get a Yes Every Time.

You’ve seen a girl you like.

young couple lying in bed

And you want to have sex with her, what next?

How do you ask her to have sex with you without being rejected? Or worse, offending her?

That’s exactly what I’ll show you below…

Don’t Ask Her With Words…
First, you have to realize that sex predates language and that you don’t’ need to verbally ask a girl to have sex with you before she knows you want to.

In fact, if you verbally asked a girl to have sex with you, she would most likely get offended.

She would think you see her as some slut.

So you have to show her.

And how do you show her?

Through your actions…

Your sexual intent should be reflected in your actions.

And deep in her biological programming, she knows when you’re trying to have sex with her.

But just like a bird’s mating dance, you have to go through the complete process before you can “unlock” her lady parts.

Step 1: Make Her Feel Comfortable…
Before a girl will have sex with you, she needs to feel comfortable.

Very comfortable.

Afterall, she’s going to make herself very vulnerable to you.

She’s going to get naked before you.

Surrender herself to be penetrated.

And maybe even risk a pregnancy.

Ways to make a girl feel comfortable so she can have sex with you:
Be interested: Genuinely show some interest in her.

As far as any girl is concerned, she is the most interesting person in the world.

So show some interest.

If you are not interested in her as a person, then it means you’ll leave immediately you nut in her.

And no girl wants that…

Make her feel like she’s known you for a long time: Even if you just met her today, you can still make it seem as if you two have spent more time together.

One way to do this is to treat her as you would treat an old friend.

Trick your brain into treating her as an old girlfriend and she would feel it.

Another way is to take her to multiple venues.

Hop bars or clubs.

Take her to a number of different places before you take her home for sex.

Taking her to multiple venues causes some sort of time distortion. And this makes her feel she’s known you for longer than she has.

Stop when she tells you to: When you take her home and start smooching her. When she tells you to stop, stop.

Stop and try again after a little while.

By stopping you show her she can trust you.

So whenever you sense genuine discomfort too, back off. Then attempt again later.

Don’ make her feel like a slut: This is huge.

Whenever you are going to sleep with a girl, you have to take all the “responsibility” of sex away from her.

She has to feel as if it was something that “just happened”…even though she wanted it.

This was why verbally asking a girl to have sex with you is counterproductive.

Also, don’t do any overly sexual stuff with her when others are watching, or she’ll feel judged.

At any point you make a girl feel judged, or like a slut, she will shut down.

Compliment her: Compliment the the nice things you like about her.

Don’t be insincere and lie to get in her pants, as they will likely come out as insincere.

If you find a girl attractive enough to sleep with her, then I’m sure there are things you can sexually compliment her on too.
Step 2: Seduce Her…
This is the stage where nonverbally you “ask” her to have sex with you.

Some parts of it are not entirely separate from the attraction and comfort phases. But can happen during either.

​Touch Her: It is important that from time to during your interaction with the girl that you make physical contact.

If you don’t, she would take your interest in her as non-sexual. And this is exactly what you don’t want.

If she thinks your interest is non-sexual then you’ll fall into the “friend-zone”.

You could touch her to check out her jewelry. Or feel her hair. Or take her hand while you cross the road.

Or guide her over by the small of her back.

Anything is fine, but do it confidently and as if it’s not a big deal, because it is not.

Touching a woman also releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone.

Hold eye-contact: One of the most seductive things you can do to a woman is maintaining eye-contact.

Gazing into a woman’s eyes causes her to become aroused.

So you should make a habit of holding eye contact with girls you want to have sex with.

Have full sexual intent: If you are not full of desire for the girl, she can feel this.

If your sexual desire for her is lukewarm, her response to you will be tepid as well.

Make her feel your genuine horniness for her and you will reap the rewards because whatever you feel the girl will feel.

Take her to a “sex location”: She’s not going to have sex with you on the streets, or in the bar or club.

Even when she’s ready to sleep with you, you would still need to take her to a location where you two can have some privacy.|

Initiate sex: This is the closest thing to verbally asking her to have sex with you.

After you’ve taken her to a “sex location”, initiate sexually by starting heavy sexual touching.

From here it’s all smooth sailing.

How to Perform Cunnilingus

How to Perform Cunnilingus

Some people consider oral sex the most intimate of all sex acts. Cunnilingus, the technical term for performing oral sex on a woman, can be incredibly intimate. To be good at it, you have to be an excellent reader of her body, her breathing, her movements, and what she might be telling you with words.

Everything you do is for your partner at that moment and shouldn’t be based on performance expectations, lessons from porn, or previous oral sex experiences.

Clean Yourself Up
Make sure your hands are clean and your nails are trimmed as you’ll want to use your hands as well as your mouth on her. If you have facial hair and shave regularly, be sure to do it beforehand; nothing kills the mood quite like sandpaper on her sensitive parts.

Get Wet
A lot of people have preconceived notions about the taste and/or smell of their partner’s genitals. If you’re anxious about this, suggest a romantic bath or shower together and then go down on her. Getting naked and wet with each other is never a bad idea, and as you get more comfortable, you will probably find that your partner’s taste and smell trigger more arousal than anything else. Some people use flavored lubricants, and many dental dams (great for safer sex) are flavored also.

Start Slowly
Most women won’t want to go from zero to oral sex in 30 seconds. Take your time and ease into it. Do other things you know she loves.

Use your hands and mouth all over her body, which will nicely foreshadow what is to come. When she’s good and excited, her hips are thrusting and the moans pretty regular, head south.

Get Comfortable
Both of you will enjoy this more if you’re both physically comfortable. Use pillows and be creative with oral sex positions so that you are both relaxed and feel like you can move around.

Some people will find it hard on their neck to lie between their partner’s legs with their head poised over her vulva. For others, this will work just great. Remember that it’s okay to change positions and move around.

Get the Lay of the Land
If you don’t have the body parts, you might want to brush up on your female genital anatomy. Most of the attention with cunnilingus is on the clitoris, but every woman is different and there may be other parts of her that will take oral sex from the every day to the out of this world. Use your fingers to spread her lips and take a good look at her clitoris, her labia, her mons, her vagina, her perineum and her anus.

When in Doubt, Go Slow
A lot of women have very sensitive clitorises, so avoid stampeding to the clitoris. Flatten your tongue and use wide slow strokes to explore her inner and outer lips, her vagina, and her clitoris. Imagine licking an ice cream cone. Start at the perineum and lick up and around her clit and back down the other side.

Check the Hood
Most women prefer to have their clitoral hood licked. This is a fold of skin that covers the actual glans of the clitoris, which is extremely sensitive.

Experiment With Different Strokes
In general, women tend to like firm pressure and repetitive motion.

Quick tongue flicks against the clitoris can be irritating. If you’re not sure, ask her to give you feedback while you try different kinds of strokes—circular, side-to-side, up-and-down. Don’t take it personally if she flinches—discovering what pleases is often a process of trial and error.

Let Her Give You a Hand
If you’ve ever seen her masturbate, you have some idea how she likes her clit to be touched. Ask her to show you now, or you can offer her your hand and ask her to demonstrate the kind of stroking she prefers by placing hers on top of yours.

Add Penetration
When she’s good and excited, add some lubricant to your fingers or toy and gently insert it into her vagina. Move them in and out using short but firm strokes. Put your mouth back on her clitoris and lick her while you penetrate her.

This won’t do it for all women, but many love the experience of clitoral stimulation and penetration.

Keep a Steady Pace
Women like steady stimulation, so don’t stop unless you need to come up for air. You’ll see the signs when she’s getting ready to go over the top—her moans, her thighs pressing against your head, her body arching, her hands tightening on your head—she’ll let you know when to stop.

A Few Extra Words of Advice
Don’t forget the rest of her body. In terms of what’s nearby, you can incorporate the perineum and vaginal opening into your oral sex.
If you are using a sex toy for penetration, she might prefer to work the dildo or vibrator inside her while you’re licking. This allows you to concentrate, and her to get the rhythm she likes best.
If your mouth or tongue tires, give it a rest but replace the stimulation with your hand or a vibrator (unless she wants a rest too).
Male partners need to know that it can take women longer to come than men, and many women are anxious about this. Whatever you do, don’t make her feel bad about how long it’s taking, and hang in there for the long haul. If you need to stop or change things up, that’s okay, but don’t make it about her “taking too long,” that’ll only make it take longer.

We Asked Men What They REALLY Think About The Smell Of Your Vagina

smell of vagina

“Yes, some really do smell like fish or even rotten fish.”

When he goes down on you, it’s the most intimate kiss of all. But just as we have pretty strong feelings about what we encounter when we go down on men, the same can be said for our own lady parts.

And to that end, how we smell down there can either egg him on or make the fun halt pretty darn quick.

Basically, guys want girls to be ready for them in the same way we’d want them to be ready for us. And a part of that is to be clean and fresh before they get there. Because if they get down there and it’s smelly, that just may be a dealbreaker.

Others really turned on by your vagina smell — the right smell, that is. They can smell that you want them, or even if they can smell what time of the month it is. How wild is that?

We’re all very primal when you get down to it, and some men share just HOW strongly they feel about your vagina smell.

  1. It’s the scent of lust.

“The scent of the vagina may change due to the time of day, month, diet and what she is wearing (or not wearing). I am about keeping clean and prefer tasting and smelling a woman in the natural freshness after a bath or shower. There are times when the hormones are on overload and the scent will attract me and make me want to have sex immediately.”

  1. A clean and fresh vagina is perfect.

“Please be fresh and check things out every couple of days. If you’re just back from the gym, that’s fine, but not if something’s fishy!”

  1. If she smells bad, it’s a dealbreaker.

“I’ve ended potential relationships over this. It wasn’t a matter of hygiene — I literally washed a former girlfriend but the smell remained. Can’t get hot for something you wouldn’t eat. It’s similar to bad breath. I had a girlfriend who flossed and brushed religiously but still had halitosis. She has plenty of suitors but it just wasn’t for me.”

  1. I can tell when she’s getting her period.

“An ex would begin to smell differently closer to her period. It was like I never needed a calendar.”

  1. One bad smell and I’m out the door.

“Ewwwww! If there’s a smell, put your pants back on. It’s over.”

  1. It all has to do with diet.

“Yes, some really do smell like fish or even rotten fish. Others smell tart, more like tropical fruit, like pineapple. That’s way better. I’ve been told my pre-ejaculate also tastes like pineapple. And I’m clean and healthy, so that must be a big part of it on both sides.”

  1. An unpleasant vagina can really derail things.

“Too perfumed or powdered definitely feels like something is being covered up. Naturally unpleasant? That’s no good either unless there’s a ‘reason.’ the going down process is involved and there’s little way to fake it.”

  1. Both parties should prep beforehand.

“Spontaneous oral isn’t always the neatest or cleanest. You get the vagina you have. If there’s time, both parties should take a minute to do some prep.”

  1. It’s an incredibly hot turn-on.

“When you’re trying to hide that you’re aroused, we still know. It’s intoxicating. Catching the scent of your heat is like pouring gasoline on a fire. Knowing that I’ve turned you on, mentally and physically, is both a tremendous compliment and aphrodisiac. The animal inside me rages to rip and tear your clothes off to continue what has clearly been started.”

  1. Smell is very personal.

“I truly believe that it’s like choosing a fragrance, especially if you love going down there. If her vagina smell is not matching my taste, that can be a minus sign or even a dealbreaker. I am talking about regular smell as sometimes everyone can have some problems. Overall, it’s very important to me.”

Men And Women Masturbate Before A Date For Different Reasons

As the famous Kenny Rogers song goes, you gotta know when to hold ’em and when to fold ’em. That’s a song about poker (and life, man), but it could be about the gamble of going on a date too horny. Will oozing vibrant sexual energy make you seem confident and appealing, or awkwardly aroused all night? Enter “pre-bating,” which is masturbating before an event to quiet the sexual impulse for one reason or another. The term was added to Urban Dictionary in 2005, and though it’s typically only discussed as a male strategy, a recent episode of Dear White People showed a woman pre-bating too.

In the first episode of the second season, a woman named Sam (Logan Browning) is caught by roommate Joelle (Ashley Blaine Featherson) pre-bating with a vibrator before going to film class where she’ll see her ex, an act defined in the show as “when you take care of yourself so you don’t lose your mind in the company of problematic dick.”

It’s a curious departure from how we’ve seen pre-bating depicted before. As we wrote recently, we rarely see women masturbating in TV shows or movies at all, much less as something they’d do to keep themselves from making a bad choice. When men pre-bate, it’s shown as a strategy that’s effective because they likely won’t be getting laid that night, not necessarily because they shouldn’t.

That’s thanks to the film There’s Something About Mary, where Dom (Chris Elliott) advises Ted (Ben Stiller) that he’s nervous about going out with Mary because he’s got “baby batter on the brain,” and that “the most honest moment in a man’s life are the few minutes after he’s blown his load.” The idea here is that once he’s “no longer trying to get laid” he’ll be more appealing to her. So it’s not that he doesn’t want to have sex, it’s that he needs to be free from the all-encompassing impulse to try to get it, so he can act right and be more confident, too.

Other pre-bating advice for men typically comes up around sports. Well, not masturbation per se, but ejaculation in general, and whether or not doing so before a game helps performance or clears the nervous energy that can interfere with it. Contrast this with MMA fighter Ronda Rousey, who claims that sex before a fight raises her testosterone levels.

Another instance where men are advised to pre-bate is as a stopgap for premature ejaculation so that a man can last longer for the sex he expects to have later. This, obviously, isn’t a problem for women.

But whether you’re a man or woman who uses it to clear your head or avoid wanting to fuck someone you probably shouldn’t, people debate whether pre-bating is an effective strategy. On Reddit a few years ago, a self-described 25-year-old American male living in Israel wanted to know if the claims of pre-bating’s benefits were overhyped. Some responses were pragmatic. “Does jacking off calm your nerves?” one commenter asked. “Are you nervous before your date and think it’ll help you?”

Another said all it does is “dampen your libido,” which is fine since “it’s not like you’re getting laid on a first date anyway.” But another person called bullshit on the concept, arguing that it was advice “based on a stupid joke in a shitty Ben Stiller movie that was never meant to be taken seriously by anyone.”

Another commenter said it absolutely works, not for lasting longer in bed, but for “getting the horny-ness out.” And many chimed in to agree. That it keeps you level headed before a date, and is especially good for people who “make bad judgments when they feel horny.” Others said it provides the insurance of not “poppin’ hella boners when I first meet them.” But those commenters sound overwhelmingly male, and the advice on the practice seems overwhelmingly aimed at men. One site, in 2012, called it “the new pre-gaming for men.”

Anecdotes on women who use pre-bating are more difficult to find. One forum asking if women do this only got a few responses, and they all said no: “We’re too busy trying to look pretty.” A woman on one forum said it didn’t apply to her because “not everybody loses those horny feelings after orgasm,” and in her case, one orgasm only increases the likelihood of another. “If I were getting ready to go on a date with a man I found particularly sexually attractive,” she wrote, “rubbing one out would just make it more difficult to control myself.

In response to the Dear White People episode, one woman on Twitter said the practice resonated with her, calling it the “realist shit I ever heard.”Even if pre-bating is still under the radar for women, or simply, like many things women do, less discussed in public forums, Refinery29 spoke to a doctor, Megan Stubbs, who listed numerous benefits for women who opt to knock one out before a date, in addition to avoiding an ill-advised hookup. Women who pre-bate will be more relaxed, more confident, more in control, and — heads up to that woman who said she was too busy trying to look pretty before a date to rub one out — it also provides woman with a “warm, healthy glow.” Just as long as it doesn’t make you hornier, we guess. Although, as one Redditor noted in opposition to the practice before a first date: “Being horny makes it more fun.”

The Science Behind How A Woman Can Decide In 30 Seconds Whether She’ll Sleep With A Man

It’s something both men and women know to be true. Whether you heard it on television, or as a nugget of wisdom passed on to you somewhere along the way, we’ve all been told at one point “Women decide within the first 30 seconds of meeting of a guy whether or not they’re going to sleep with him.” The truism differs from person to person. Some people claim it takes just 8.3 seconds, others say 3 minutes, and it seems to taper off at a solid 5 minutes. So 30 seconds is a good happy medium… but one can’t help but wonder how on earth someone could make such a weighty decision so fast. (Though, to be fair, men probably make this call in milliseconds.) A study recently dipped into the question of how long it takes for a woman to make the call, and just how the decision occurs. Here’s the science behind how a woman can decide within 30 seconds whether or not she’ll to sleep with a man.

Waiting Time A study conducted this year in the U.K. found that women on average wait between two and three weeks before they have sex with a new guy. About 32 percent of women say they wait until their fifth date.

Other findings The study also found that 15 percent of women think it’s okay to have sex on the first date, whereas 22 percent of men feel this way. About 78 percent of men and women feel it’s okay to kiss on the first date.

The Accepted Stats Based on that info, and general wisdom on the subject, men are quick to make decisions about whether or not they’re interested, while women take more time. But another recent study in the U.K. shows the exact opposite is true.

90 Seconds Another U.K. study surveyed over 2,000 singles. They found that women on average give a man a mere 90 seconds to win them over. Within a minute and half women have already decided whether they’ll ever see you again. Meanwhile, men proved more forgiving, offering a full five minute audition to potential mates before writing them off.

How We know that women make these calls faster, so the question is why. One reason has to do with the factors that influence the decision. For instance, women are more affected by easily recognizable factors when it comes to interest in the opposite sex. In the study, 51 percent of women said that the nature of the date, meaning where it takes place and the effort put into it, is a determining factor in whether they’ll see the man again, whereas men showed little interest in this fact.

Looks Shockingly, a significantly larger percentage of women cited looks as a deciding factor than men. The study said 38 percent of women consider looks in that first 90 seconds, as opposed to 27 percent of men who make the call in the first 5 minutes.

Wrong Some women who participated in the study admitted that they’d been wrong. For instance, they may have made the call within that first ninety seconds based on looks, only to find on later in the date that the man had a better personality than they originally noticed. When this occurs, women report they they experience heightened physical attraction to the man.

Lady Expert One self-proclaimed “expert on women” challenges the truism with his own spin on the idea. A leading voice in the pick-up artist community, which is a subculture that teaches strategies for meeting and sleeping with women, claims “It’s not that a woman decides in the first 30 seconds that they’re going to sleep with you. It’s that they decide within the first 30 seconds of meeting a guy that they’re not going to sleep with you.” The first 30 seconds you get a chance to prove you’re worth considering. After that, if you make it, there’s still work to be done.

180 Seconds Perhaps ladies in the U.S. aren’t as quick to judge as they are in the U.K. A study conducted by author Ben Kay surveyed 3,000 women to see how long it takes them to figure out whether they’re interested. Part of the reason why they’re able to do so with such quickness is because they judge their potential mates on more subtle and implicit characteristics than the ones men use to judge women.

Interaction According to the Kay study, one of the factors women use to make the call is the way men interact with other people, from their friends, to the waiter at the restaurant.

Instincts One belief espoused by the Kay studied that’s echoed elsewhere is the idea that women are reliant on instinct than men. Women tend to be more connected to their instinct and intuition. Most women said they take 180 seconds to make the call, and once they’ve made it, they rarely ever change their mind.

Breaking Instinct However, for some reason, many women admit that they regularly go against their instinct, and give men another chance to impress them even if they failed to win them over in the initial 180 seconds. Women report that 89 percent of the time, their initial instincts proved correct. This tendency to go against their instinctual response leads a lot of men to feel they’ve been led on.

Body Langauge Another factor in the quickness with which women make these judgements is their attention to body language. According to the survey, 54 percent of women said this played a key role into the decision making process. Since body language is gauged instinctually and far more quickly than conversation, it can lead to quick judgements

How vs. What Surprisingly, one survey of American adult women found women aren’t especially interested in the content of conversation when it comes to making a first impression. In fact, only 7 percent of women said that what a guy says during conversation made a big difference in his first impression. On the other hand, 38 percent said that the way he says what he says during that conversation made a big impact.

Evolution and Reproduction We’ve learned women can make quick calls about potential mates because they’re more moved by implicit features and they’re more reliant on instinct and intuition, but another factor has to do with evolution and reproduction. Both men and women are genetically moved to want to reproduce, but for men the investment into that process doesn’t have to be significant. For women, it’s an incredibly affecting process which makes them more selective. Furthermore, time is more of the essence when it comes to female reproduction, thus, there’s a need to make choices to that end with a certain degree of quickness.

This Is Your Biggest Dating Secret Weapon (and You Might Not Even Be Using It)

You might call it your gut instinct or prefer a more nebulous term like “the stomach tingles,” but either way, your women’s intuition is a serious gift. Think about it: women were originally armed with intuition as a way to stay safe when getting eaten by wild animals was a daily threat. Saying evolution has honed our inner alarms is an understatement. So why do so many women make it a habit to ignore their body’s built-in danger and douchebag radars?

Let’s say you meet a guy, and something just sets you on edge about him. Maybe he makes eye contact a little too long, or perhaps you get a weird feeling when he smiles. But you tell yourself he’s nice, so why not give him a shot, right? Wrong. Women are brought up to be people-pleasers, but it’s not your job to put up with guys who jumble your insides in exactly the wrong way just so you won’t offend them!
I’m not saying every dude who feels off to you is actually dangerous, although women’s intuition can definitely be useful in those cases (if you want to hear more about that, I recommend checking out The Gift of Fear, an incredible book by Gavin de Becker). Just that sometimes your lizard brain can process things on a deeper level than you normally do on the surface, and that’s a valuable thing that shouldn’t be ignored.

Haven’t you ever ended something with some escaped demon from hell disguised as a human man only to tell yourself you “should have known”? The thing is, you saying that is admitting to yourself that you did know. You picked up on the signs, knew something was off, and stayed because you hoped it would work. Absolutely no judgment here, because I’ve been there myself. It takes some time to learn these lessons. Then my paranoia kicked in, and following my intuition has steered me well in safety, dating, and situations where the two intersect ever since. I just love spreading the “listen to your intuition!” gospel because it’s an easy way to keep you as healthy and happy as possible (and it just reinforces that women are amazing, which you already knew).
Do you try to tune into your women’s intuition? When was the time you were most thankful for it? One wonderful benefit of listening to your intuition is that it can help you find your dream guy. Here are a few other ways to do just that.

7 His Secret Obsession Phrases That Make a Man Fall In Love

It might come to you as a surprise but it isn’t just women who need to be reassured with love phrases, often men can be just as insecure and unsure as their female counterparts. When it comes to love, men tend to act all manly and emotionally strong. While this mean seem nice to an extent (as no one wants an emotionally weak, crying man) when it comes to mutual love, it takes an emotional man to be romantic, loving, caring and above all able to show appreciation and return the love extended towards him by his partner. Men need motivation and inspiration, and Obsession Phrases are the triggers that gets the juice of love flowing.

According to Kelsey Diamond, there Obsession Phrases that every man desire to hear, these words are not just phrases but phrases mixed with strong emotions that a man cannot resist. Men find women who can verbally express themselves not only sexy but very attractive and words have been proven to be an avenue to unlock the love valve of a man. Men most times are in secure and for you to get a man permanently hooked to you will require the extra mile from you. So what are these obsession phrases? and which ones can you start using on your man right away?. Here are 7 Obsession Phrases that will work on your man.

Emotional Triggers – Love Phrases That Makes a Man Fall in Love
Emotional Triggers are essential phrases that triggers the emotional part of any man. These are words that stimulates the desire part of a man and leaves him wanting, needing and showing affection towards you. These words are carefully crafted to trigger uncontrollable urge that leaves a man in tuned spirit soul and body towards another person most especially a lady. These Love Phrases are simple yet powerful words that make any man rearrange his life just to be with a lady. Learn more about Emotional Triggers OR continue reading for some examples.

  1. Attraction Spinner Phrase – “I Want You”
    If you want to help your man with his insecurities then nothing will work more than telling him that you want him. Men can sometimes feel as though they are pestering women when it comes to things like sex, which means that they might feel uncomfortable bringing the subject up or touching you without invitation. Telling a man that you want him is the perfect way to put his mind at ease and let him know that you desire him to an equal amount. Try attraction spinner phrase today and watch your man desire you ever more everyday.

Examples of Obsession Phrases by Kelsey Diamond

  1. Razzle Dazzle Phrase – “Have You Been Working Out?”
    Every man wants to know that his woman finds him attractive and often men can be equally if not more body conscious than women. You can’t compliment a man in the same way that you might compliment a women though and this is why “have you been working out?” is such a perfect love phrase to use, even if you know your man hasn’t seen a gym in years. It proves that you have really looked at them and you are impressed with what you see. Here are some other razzle dazzle phrase that helps your man’s ego.
  2. Razzle Dazzle Phrase – “Have You Grown?”
    It isn’t the size it is how you use it right, is the best known lie that has ever been told. The fact is that it doesn’t matter how big your man’s tackle is, they will always be worried that you have either seen bigger or that they are not satisfying you enough. Asking your man during intercourse whether his tackle has grown is a great love phrase that will really boost not only his ego but his performance too. This razzle dazzle phrase work perfectly well for men who are self conscious of how big it’s down there or how well you feel them. Using this phrase will not only please your man but make him happy and ready to please you more.

Don’t Miss : Hero Instinct Phrases – How To Trigger a Man’s Hero Instinct

  1. Secret Obsession Phrase – I Love It When You Do That
    Men can sometimes be a little unsure and clumsy when it comes to a woman’s body. Telling your man that you like what he is doing will help to boost his confidence in the bedroom and it will also encourage him to try and do it again. Often women can be a little closed off when it comes to sex and this makes it a lot harder on the man to try and get it right, so using little love phrases during the action can really bring your man’s game back on track. This secret obsession phrase has been proven to work especially when it comes improving the sexual experience between partners.
  2. Monogamy Awakener Phrase – “You Make Me Feel Safe”
    Every man has an alpha dog inside of him that reaches out whenever there is danger. If you are a strong independent woman then at times you might forget about your partner’s need and urge to look after and protect you. This can often make a man feel like he isn’t doing enough and that can really knock his confidence. Telling your man that he makes you feel safe is a great way of telling him that you are doing it right and it is defiantly a love phrase that your man will want to hear. If you want your man to be committed to you and you alone, monogamy awakener phrase is what you need to start using on him.
  3. Everlasting Attraction Phrase – “I’m Your Woman”
    It has never been easier to get in touch with people; the internet has become a breeding ground for communication for both those you know and those you don’t. If your man is the jealous type or the type to feel inferior to others then reassure him. Tell him that you are his and no one else’s. This simple love phrase can really change the way that a man feels about his partner. It shows that you are dedicated to him and him alone. Everlasting attraction phrase is what you need if you want your man to take his eyes off other women.
  4. Love Cocktail phrase – “I love you”
    The ultimate love phrase that any man wants to hear from his woman is of course that you love him. Although words must always be backed up by actions, this simple phrase can really show a person just how much they mean to you. Men might not be known for their deep talks about feelings but that doesn’t mean that they don’t have any and it certainly doesn’t mean that they want to be kept in the dark about yours. Love cocktail phrase is the the phrase you need to be using on your man every day.

In conclusion
Sometimes it can be easy to forget that the man in the relationship needs reassurance and affection too but that doesn’t make it any less true. If you think that your man has been down recently and it is because you haven’t been paying enough attention then use one or more of these love phrases to set his mind back at ease, after all if you really love your man, then why wouldn’t you want him to be as confident and happy as possible?

His Secret Obsession Hero Instinct Review

Whether you’re in a thriving, fulfilling romance, or one that you feel is just crumbling around you, there is always a way to improve your relationship with the person you love. Sure, love letters and chocolates may work for some people, but if you’re really trying to reach a deeper level with the man in your life, it may be time to look into something further: Continue to read His Secret Obsession review to find out if this is the program for you.

Created by relationship and dating expert James Bauer, His Secret Obsession is a relationship guide featuring a brand new approach to connecting with any man in your love life. Based on his 12 years of research as a dating coach, Bauer believes he’s found a positive communicative pattern that helps relationships flourish, and with this book, he hopes to spread it to anyone who needs it. So here’s a little glimpse into how it all works, and what this relationship guide can do for you and the man you love.

What is the “secret” of this book?

According to Bauer, there is a primal instinct that all men have. And very few women or men themselves are even aware of it! It’s not the one you’d predict, like sex or even hunger (though you could possibly win some men over with a cheeseburger), but rather, something much deeper. This phenomenon is known as “The Hero Instinct,” and properly engaging it may be the number one trick to winning a man’s heart.

The Hero Instinct is the key to many, many desires that a man may hold. As a whole, this instinct basically embodies:

  • The need to take charge
  • The need to make a difference
  • The need to “earn” things, including love
  • The need to be a protector
  • The need to…well…be needed!

In His Secret Obsession, James dissects just how the Hero Instinct phrases work, why it is so vital to a man, and what you can do in a relationship to make sure these needs are fulfilled–without even trying.

What will it help me with?

This book is specifically crafted to teach you how to fulfil the desires of your man and really bolster your romantic relationship. That being said, the book does not encourage you to let your man walk all over you just to satisfy his desires. Rather, his desires can actually be fulfilled while satisfying your needs at the same time; all you have to do is make sure your significant other knows that he’s a vital part in that process.

Throughout his publication, James includes a wide array of romantic techniques, even pre-written phrases and messages, which Bauer claims his clients have used successfully to rekindle their relationships. This clean-cut method and instruction will remove the guesswork often featured in so many other relationship help books.

His Secret Obsession also includes a vast selection of “secret signals,” comprised of various trigger phrases that work verbally, non-verbally, and even over text and instant messaging. All of these are meant to tap into the core of the Hero Instinct in men.

These secret signals are plentiful, and serve a wide range of romantic purposes. They include…

  • The X-ray Question: This allows you to receive a clear affirmation of where you are in your relationship.
  • The Glimpse Phrase: This gives a man a hint at who you are, while sparking his desire to know more about you.
  • The Silent Action Signal: This signal discreetly shows that you want to fulfill the Hero Instinct in a man, triggering the man to have a strong sense of longing towards you.
  • The Fascinating Signal: This will signal to a man that you’re a truly fascinating individual, prompting an emotional attraction that will leave him hooked on you.
  • The Private Island: This signal basically lets him know that you truly are “The One.”

…and many more.

While all of these signals may sound a bit abstract, this program will teach you clearly how to embody every single one of them. And with this arsenal of romantic knowledge at your fingertips, you’ll be able to ignite something much deeper in your relationship.

What’s the purpose of all this?

Overall, James predicts that once a man’s partner fulfils his Hero Instinct, it will work wonders for the relationship for a long time to come. Readers can look forward to a newfound respect and dedication from their husband, boyfriend, or even romantic interest, all because you are pulling him in with a profound understanding of his needs. A man may also open up further about his feelings, become a more active communicator, and may just form a deeper connection and love towards you as a whole. All of this works according to Bauer’s theory: once a man feels he is needed, he’ll be willing to work even harder to fulfill your needs, as you also worked to fulfil his.

How can I get a copy?

Anyone interested in the details of Bauer’s promising new romantic approach can purchase a copy of his book on the official website (link below). It is currently only available in ebook form, but is accessible through mobile devices as well as on a PC. The website also features an even more in-depth look at the book with a detailed video presentation, narrated by Bauer himself.

One more great thing about the product is that it offers a 60-day money back guarantee. If you aren’t satisfied with the improvement in your relationship after practicing the instructions in this book, you are more than welcome to send it back for a full refund; that is how confident Bauer is that his techniques will work.

Verdict

For anyone seeking an answer to what may be lacking in their relationship, His Secret Obsession phrases may just hold the key to unlocking that question for you. Whether you’re yearning to ignite a lost love or a love newly found, this book offers a comprehensive look into how to do so, and offers a great and solid place to start. All you have to do is find what works for your relationship, and his new obsession may very well be you.

He Doesn’t Want a Perfect Girlfriend, He Wants This…

Let me ask you something…

How much time do you spend trying to be the kind of woman you think men want?

If you’re like most women I talk to, it’s a LOT.

You spend all this time making yourself look sexy and attractive…

You spend all this time presenting yourself as fun, interesting, worldly, and not needy in the slightest…

You spend all this time showing him just how good you’d be for him…

How amazing his future would be if he chose you as the woman by his side…

And… it doesn’t work.

It never works.

WHY?

Why do you work so hard…

And the guy in your life just takes you for granted, if he even notices you at all?

It’s probably because he’s immature, right?

He can’t recognize a good thing until it’s gone.

Or maybe it’s this…

It’s because you’ve been doing all the work for him.

Here’s something you need to know…

If He Doesn’t Work for Your Relationship, He Won’t Value It
Fact: What men value most are those things they have to work hard to get.

Hand a man a college diploma, and he won’t value it as much as if he’d had to put in years of study and effort to earn it.

Hand a man the perfect girlfriend, and he won’t value her as much as if he’d had to woo her for weeks just to get her to go out with him.

This is why playing hard to get works.

But, as you’ve probably already noticed…

There’s a BIG problem with playing hard to get.

That strategy stops working once he’s actually got you.

Something happens when guys decide they’ve won you. It’s almost like they think, “Game over.”

Their minds are already on their next challenge.

What is going on?!

And how can you stop it from wrecking your relationship?

It’s Not Just You-ALL Women Experience This (That’s Why They Ask for Help)
Sadly, many women give up on love.

They never let themselves get too close to a man, for fear of scaring him off.

But other women try a different approach.

They get help.

My friend and relationship coach, James Bauer, is one of the people they turn to.

He noticed that many clients were coming to him, complaining about guys who were blowing hot and cold. Everything would be going great, and then it was like…

Something would change overnight.

A guy who’d been warm, affectionate and interested would suddenly become distant.

He’d no longer have any time for her.

He wouldn’t greet her with a smile.

He’d stop making eye contact.

His kisses were dull and cold.

Wanting to help his clients, James investigated.

And what he discovered made sense of everything.

He knew why these men were backing away. He knew what they needed … and what they weren’t getting.

It didn’t come down to anything wrong with these women.

Rather, it all came down to something he called “The Hero Instinct.”

(Listen to James talking about The Hero Instinct here.)

Most Women Do Something that Drives Men Away… Without Ever Realizing It
One of the most wonderful things about women is how naturally caring they are.

Look at you. You’re always there for your guy.

You look after him. You always make time for him. You’d do anything for him.

You never realize that, in the process…

You’re actually taking something away from him.

You’re taking away his purpose.

You see, he wants to be your hero.

He doesn’t want you to be his hero.

Men love heroes. Look at how many grown men are still fascinated by Marvel comics and superhero movies.

Every man on Earth, from the time he was a boy, dreamed of growing up to be the kind of hero who would save the world… and get the girl at the same time.

Most men don’t get to indulge in world-saving efforts with their 9-5 jobs.

Circumstances don’t call for them to rip off their corporate ties and spring into action, revealing the superman side of themselves.

Maybe they can’t save the world like they dreamt about when they were kids… But they can still get the girl.

And getting the girl is a worthy challenge for an ordinary guy with the heart of a superhero.

For most men, it takes superhuman confidence. It takes superhuman charm. And it takes superhuman immunity to pain.

Now, all he needs to find is…

A girl who needs a hero.

Do You Need a Hero?
Let me guess…

That’s not you…

You’re strong. You’re independent.

You can fix a leaky faucet. You can drive a stick shift. You can take care of yourself.

Am I right?

You’re never going to make that Jerry Maguire mistake of looking for a man to complete you.

Instead, you have a lot to offer a man.

You’re generous. Kind. Loving. Giving to a fault.

All you want is to find a man who’s willing to receive all you have to give.

And that’s why heroes aren’t showing up in your life.

That’s why you’ve ended up with so many takers instead. Guys who take everything from you and leave you high and dry.

If you want a hero, then you need to advertise for one.

Here’s how…

3 Ways You Can Invite a Hero into Your Life, Starting Today

  1. Ask a guy for help.

Here’s what you should do…

Ask him for advice on buying a new computer. Ask him to listen to that weird rattling sound that’s started up in your car. Ask him to reach something on the top shelf.

Then thank him warmly, with a great big smile of appreciation.

No, that doesn’t make you needy. It makes you a woman with space for a man in her life.

  1. Take pleasure in male company.

Guys love women who appreciate men for just being men.

So what if his apartment is a shrine to sports? So what if he spends hours on his fantasy football team? So what if his idea of a clean shirt is the one with the fewest wrinkles?

He’s a guy. It’s okay.

You don’t need him to be more like you, because you’ve got the feminine side of the gender equation covered.

  1. Let him earn your respect.

Superheroes love challenges.

They don’t want to be given a gold medal just for showing up.

They don’t want your love handed to them on a plate. They want to earn it.

There’s one thing they crave even more than a woman’s eternal enduring love:

A challenge.

So give him opportunities to prove himself.

You don’t have to do the work of winning him over.

Sit back, relax, and allow him the pleasure of winning your admiration.

Here’s What Mastering These 3 Strategies Does to a Man
If you practice these 3 tips faithfully…

  1. You ask him for the kind of help only a man can provide,
  2. You make it clear how much you enjoy male company, and
  3. You let him win your respect and admiration…

You’ll be amazed at how the man in your life responds.

He’s finally found a woman who needs him, likes him, and respects the man he tries so hard to be.

Those are the 3 things he was always looking for.

He wasn’t looking for a woman with a perfect body.

He wasn’t looking for a woman to do everything for him.

He wasn’t looking for a woman willing to give him unconditional love at the drop of a hat.

He was looking for a woman to bring out the hero in him.

Once he finds her, he’ll never let her go.

To find out more about how you can bring out the Hero in him, click here for a short video…

Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

P.S. Most women don’t know this… but even if a man is attracted to you or even says he loves you…

…chances are he still feels something is missing.

Because there is a secret, emotional need hidden within his heart that he craves more than anything.

And in most cases, is not being met.

The problem is, if it’s not being met, his attention will inevitably wander until he finds a woman who can give it to him.

Maybe one in a thousand women knows how to do this instinctively, and they usually rise to unbelievable levels of influence and fame.

But most women, or men for that matter, don’t even know it exists.

On the other hand, when you have this 1 simple secret…

You won’t believe the shocking effect you have on the men in your life.

Here’s a video that shows you exactly what I’m talking about…

3 Ways to Trigger The Hero Instinct in Your Man

3 Ways to Trigger The Hero Instinct in Your Man

One of the most wonderful things about women is how naturally caring they are.

Look at you. You’re always there for your guy. You look after him. You always make time for him. You’d do anything for him.

You never realize that, in the process…

You’re actually taking something away from him. You’re taking away his purpose.

You see, he wants to be your hero. He doesn’t want you to be his hero.

Men love heroes. Look at how many grown men are still fascinated by Marvel comics and superhero movies.

Every man on Earth, from the time he was a boy, dreamed of growing up to be the kind of hero who would save the world—and get the girl at the same time.

Most men don’t get to indulge their world-saving side in their 9-5 jobs.

Circumstances don’t call for them to rip off their corporate ties and spring into action, revealing their superman side. Maybe they can’t save the world. But they can still get the girl.

Getting the girl is a worthy challenge for an ordinary guy with the heart of a superhero. It takes superhuman confidence. Superhuman charm. Superhuman immunity to pain. Now, all he needs to find is…

A girl who needs a hero. Do You Need a Hero? Let me guess… That’s not you.

You’re strong. You’re independent. You can fix a leaky faucet. You can drive a stick shift. You can take care of yourself. You’re never going to make that Jerry Maguire mistake of looking for a man to complete you.

Instead, you have a lot to offer a man. You’re generous. Kind. Loving. Giving to a fault. All you want is to find a man who’s willing to receive all you have to give.

And that’s why heroes aren’t showing up in your life. That’s why you’ve ended up with so many takers instead. Guys who take everything you have and leave you high and dry. If you want a hero, then you need to advertise for one.

Here Are 3 Ways to Trigger a Man’s Hero Instinct

  1. Ask a guy for help.
    Ask him for advice on buying a new computer. Ask him to listen to that weird rattling sound that’s started up in your car. Ask him to reach something on the top shelf. Then thank him warmly, with a great big smile of appreciation. No, that doesn’t make you needy. It makes you a woman with space for a man in her life.
  2. Take pleasure in male company.
    Guys love women who appreciate men for just being men. So what if his apartment is a shrine to sports? So what if he spends hours on his fantasy football team?

So what if his idea of a clean shirt is the one with the fewest wrinkles? He’s a guy. It’s okay. You don’t need him to be more like you, because you’ve got the feminine side of the gender equation covered.

  1. Let him earn your respect.
    Superheroes love challenges. They don’t want to be given a gold medal just for showing up. They don’t want your love handed to them on a plate.

They want to earn it. There’s one thing they crave even more than a woman’s eternal enduring love: A challenge. So give him opportunities to prove himself. You don’t have to do the work of winning him over. Sit back, relax, and allow him the pleasure of winning your admiration.

The rare woman who can satisfy this emotional need in men has an almost supernatural allure that is impossible to resist.

The great thing about this is that it’s about trying to pretend like you’re someone you’re not… it’s about getting men to fall madly in love with the REAL you…

And satisfy a man’s hidden, emotional need in a way that will captivate his heart so that he’ll go to the ends of the earth to please you.

His Hero Instinct is the hidden need that makes him feel MORE than just attraction
Most women don’t know this… but even if a man is attracted to you or even says he loves you…

…chances are he still feels something is missing.

Because this secret, emotional need hidden within his heart that he craves more than anything… And in most cases, is not being met.

The problem is, if his Hero Instinct is not being met, his attention will inevitably wander until he finds a woman who can give it to him.

Maybe one in a thousand women knows how to do this instinctively, and they usually rise to unbelievable levels of influence and fame.

But most women, or men for that matter, don’t even know it exists.

On the other hand, when you have the secret of the Hero Instinct, you won’t believe the shocking effect you have on the men in your life.

If you’re ready to have your man melt in your hands and go to the ends of the earth to please and love you, learn more about the Hero Instinct by going here…